Surrogate
by Built on the Horizon
Summary: ‘Who was that pointy-eared bastard?’ McCoy asked. ‘He’s not a bastard.’ Jim said sharply, watching the Vulcan as he moved off. ‘He’s my brother.’
1. Chapter 1

**Surrogate**

**AU running parrallel to movie!verse, you'll have to read to see the true difference**

'Is there anything you care to say before we begin?'

Jim leant forward into the amplifier, a smirk beginning to form on his lips.

'Yes, I believe I have the right to face my accuser directly.'

All attention turned as the figure behind him stood slowly. Jim didn't even need to turn to feel the other man's weighted gaze on him. Spock straightened his black uniform and made his way down to the second podium, eyes never leaving the cadet.

'This is Commander Spock. He is one of our most distinguished graduates.'

Jim snorted to himself. 'Yeah, I bet he is.'

The Admiral continued as if he never heard Jim's comment. 'He's programmed the Kobayashi Maru exam for the last three years.'

'Three years? That's a very… convenient amount of time.' Jim remarked. He turned his head to watch the Vulcan out of the corner of his eye. 'The exact time I've been at Starfleet Academy, in fact.'

'Your point being, Cadet?' the Board member asked dryly.

Jim shrugged with his usual cocky attitude. 'I'm just pointing out the coincidental timeframe of the matter.' He leant heavily on the podium and glared at Spock. 'I believe you had some charges you wished to bring against me, _Commander_.'

McCoy watched as Jim spat the word like an insult. His brows furrowed deeply. Why was his friend being so damn insubordinate, in front of the entire student and teacher body, no less?

'Cadet Kirk.' Spock began tersely. 'You somehow managed to install and activate a subroutine in the programming code, thereby changing the conditions of the test.'

Jim grinned nonchalantly. 'So?'

The Admiral sighed impatiently. 'In academic vernacular, you cheated.'

'Mister Spock, let me ask you something, I think we all know the answer to. The test itself is a cheat, isn't it? You programmed it to be unwinnable.' Jim watched carefully as the Vulcan cocked his head.

'Your argument precludes the possibility of a no-win scenario.' Spock answered evenly.

'I don't believe in no-win scenarios.' Jim answered shortly. 'But –you already knew that, didn't you?'

Spock gave him a split second of silence and Jim continued confidently. 'This, combined with the fact that you appear to have designed it purely against my own tactics implies a certain amount of, how you say, disadvantage on my part. Manipulating the program was simply a way of evening the playing field.'

Spock's nostrils flared almost imperceptivity. 'Then not only did you violate the rules, you also failed to understand the principal lesson.'

Jim beamed. 'Please, enlighten me. You do love doing that.'

'You of all people should know, Cadet Kirk,' Spock began, a hard edge to his voice, 'a captain cannot cheat death.'

Jim laughed hollowly, rage boiling under the surface. 'I of all people…'

'Your father, Lieutenant George Kirk, assumed command of his vessel before being killed in action.' Spock stated.

'Don't you dare.' Jim's lips curled up as he glared at Spock. 'Don't you dare bring up _my_ dad in this. Not after all I've done.'

Spock seemed unperturbed by Jim's hostility. 'If I designed the program to be specifically against you, as you have implied, why not call the test the Kelvin, and include a rescue mission of the stranded medical shuttle?'

Jim started forward. 'You son of a-'

'I would advise you to be wary of your actions, Jim.' Spock spoke, as the Admiral ordered Jim back to his podium.

Begrudgingly, Jim obliged. 'See, I just think you're pissed because I beat your test…'

'Furthermore, you have failed to define the purpose of the test.' Spock continued.

'Enlighten me again.'

'The purpose is to experience fear, fear in the face of certain death,' Spock's gaze was unwavering and unnerving to most people. Jim was not most people, 'to accept that fear, and maintain control of oneself and one's crew. This is the quality expected in every Starfleet captain.'

There was a moment of dead silence in the auditorium. McCoy stilled in his seat as his friend began to formulate his response.

'It's curious, isn't it?' Jim began, his voice cold. 'That a Vulcan like you would even know what emotions are.'

'You are perfectly aware-'

'I mean, how do you even know what fear is, Spock?' There is a challenge in Jim's voice that obviously hits something deep in the Commander. 'When have you ever really been scared? Fear of abandonment, loneliness… how the hell do you even know how to feel?'

Spock's dark eyes were entirely focused on Jim, but he seemed to have no intent to answer.

Another commander entered the auditorium and handed the Admiral a PADD. He quickly scanned the contents before turning to the audience. Spock's attentions obediently sent to his superior officer.

'We've received a distress call from Vulcan.' He announced.

'What?' Jim exclaimed. He threw a panicked glance over at Spock who gave him a comforting glance then nodded.

'With our primary fleet engaged in the Laurentian system, I hereby order all cadets to report to Hanger One immediately. Dismissed.'

In the flurry of movement that followed, Spock held Jim's gaze for a moment longer than he probably should have before he inclined his head in a somewhat helpless way. With that, he swiftly exited.

McCoy walked down to his friend, still standing at the podium in a sort of helpless shock.

'Who was that pointy-eared bastard?' McCoy asked, some admiration evidently creeping into his tone.

'He's not a bastard.' Jim said sharply, watching the Vulcan carefully as he moved off.

'He's my brother.'

* * *

_Please review! This AU has been bugging me for some time! I'd love to hear your theories!_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

_Spock knelt on his father's meditation mat, his knees pressed together and sitting on his feet. He pressed a small hand to his chest, feeling the breath go in and out. They were just beginning to teach the logistics of meditation at school, how to maximise efficiency._

_Deep breaths slowed down his heart rate, regulated heartbeats influenced his thought process._

'_Spock!' _

_With hard learnt patience, Spock opened his eyes. Jim dropped onto the mat in front of him, crossing his legs and grinning._

'_Jim.'_

'_I want to learn something.' Jim said eagerly._

_Spock gave one look at the softly lit, quiet area before deciding that meditation could wait. Jim noticed the shift in his expression and bounced excitedly._

'_I want you to teach me how to click, you know, with my fingers.' He declared._

'_For what purpose?' Spock asked._

'_I got it all figured out.' Jim had a habit of gesturing wildly as he spoke, and at this proximity, Spock had to flinch backwards to avoid being hit. 'No one else at school clicks, right? So if we can both click, it'll be like, our own secret language!'_

'_How diverse can our clicks be?' Spock pointed out._

'_I'll figure out the rest later.' Jim waved a hand dismissively. 'C'mon. Show me.'_

'_Watch.' Spock said. He reached out between them and demonstrated._

_SNAP_

* * *

'He's my brother.'

McCoy gave one look at his friend before he flicked him on the ear.

'Ouch!' Jim exclaimed, rubbing his earlobe. 'What was that for?'

'Because the last I checked, you didn't have green blood.' McCoy glared at him.

'I don't have time for this, Bones.' Jim said shortly, moving off and being caught in the throng of students. McCoy grabbed his sleeve and pulled him to a stop.

'You've got a hell of a lot of explaining to do.' McCoy demanded. 'What was that back there?'

Jim shrugged his arm free. 'We've got to get to the Hanger, Bones. Vulcan is in trouble.'

'Another thing, when did you start caring about Vulcan?' McCoy added.

Something flashed briefly in Jim's eyes, but he suppressed it quickly. Instead, he spread his arms and laughed.

'You really think I spent my whole life in _Iowa_?'

'What's that supposed to mean?' McCoy asked.

'C'mon.' Jim said quickly, glancing over his shoulder at the moving students. 'K to M is this way.'

'Jim!' McCoy said harshly, but by then, they were already standing with the rest of the cadets, being assigned to their ships.

McCoy swore inwardly, standing at attention and throwing looks at Jim out of the corner of his eye.

'He didn't call my name.' Jim muttered angrily. His hands were clenched by his sides and he was obviously livid.

McCoy tried to look sympathetic. 'You're on suspension, Jim. They're not gonna let you fly.'

Jim hardly looked like he heard him. His eyes were darting around the hanger and landed on a figure standing at a computer terminal a fair distance off.

His fist unclenched slowly and he pressed his thumb to his middle finger.

_SNAP_

Spock's head jerked imperceptibly. He turned to find the origin of the noise and saw Jim staring at him from across the hanger. Jim lifted the hand and thumbed his opposite ear before drumming on his collar.

Spock's hands clasped in front of him parted once, thumb tapping on the back of his hand. He turned around and walked off briskly, linking his hands behind his back.

McCoy watched in fascination at the interaction and Spock's apparent dismissal. He was about to feel sorry for Jim when he noticed just how Spock was linking his hands. One hand clasped his wrist, while the other thumb and pointer touched, forming a loose "okay" gesture.

McCoy's eyes widened and Jim tugged him to follow.

'Come on.'

They cornered Spock beside one of the shuttles, far enough away from the doors that they weren't overheard. Spock turned around and watched Jim carefully. McCoy stayed a few steps behind, feeling like he was intruding on something private.

'I need to get on one of those ships.' Jim said simply.

Spock looked at him with a hint of disbelief. 'Your continual, blatant disregard for the rules occasionally has consequences.'

'You're the big hot shot, you can get me onboard.' Jim said confidently, with just a little too much snark to be respectful. 'I need to get back to Vulcan.'

'And you expect me to believe this situation is non-negotiable?' Spock queried. 'I am a Commander now-'

'And I'm not the one who ran away.' Jim interrupted.

Spock pressed his lips together tightly.

'You cut all ties with Vulcan.' Spock reminded harshly. 'You cut all ties with me.'

'Spock.' Jim said shortly, just as harsh. 'If Vulcan is in trouble, mom is too. I gotta help.'

Spock glared at him for a moment more before his gaze slid over Jim's shoulder to McCoy.

'You are Doctor McCoy, senior medical officer assigned to the _Enterprise._' Spock stated.

He nodded in reply.

'Then I am confident in your thorough knowledge of the Starfleet Medical Code.' Spock said simply, an implication evident in his voice.

'Yes?'

Spock stepped backwards and McCoy swore he saw the beginnings of a smirk appearing on his lips.

'This conversation never occurred.' The Commander reminded them as he collected his PADD and began to walk to another shuttle.

'The viral infection from Melvaran mud fleas has particularly brutal symptoms.' Spock commented over his shoulder.

Jim frowned at Spock in total confusion. 'What the hell was that about?'

McCoy grinned. 'I like him.' He decided. He grabbed Jim by the shoulder and pulled him towards the medical facility. 'Come with me.'

'Bones, where are we going?' Jim asked.

'You'll see.' McCoy waved him off.

Jim couldn't help but turn when he noticed Uhura striding confidently towards Spock.

McCoy dragged him through the hanger to the med bay where he ordered Jim to take a seat.

He loaded the hypospray with the vaccination. 'You have a cruel, ingenious brother.' He said, then muttered to himself, 'whoever he is.'

He turned to Jim.

'You're going to have a lot of explaining to do when this wears off.' He promised.

'When what wears off?' Jim asked.

McCoy jabbed the hypospray into his neck. 'You owe me one.'

* * *

_Wow! I am so ridiculously happy about the response I've got! My thoughts and plans for this story has skyrocketed because of all the enthusiasm! I cannot say how much it means to me, you guys are great._

_Please keep those review coming! Theories, ideas, critques and encouragment are all awesome to recieve!_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

_After the twenty-third attempt from the slightly older Vulcan's to elicit an emotional response from him, Spock retreated to his room to find some solace._

_Bad idea._

_Jim frowned at him over the top of his PADD. 'You look pissed.'_

_Spock frowned slightly. He hadn't realised Jim was sprawled on his bed. 'Why are you in my room?'_

_Jim held up the two PADDs he had propped up against the pillow. One was paused on the screen of a vid, something from Earth's media. The man and woman were very human, smiling broadly and, Spock blushed at the realisation, holding hands. The other PADD was slowly scrolling through ancient traditional artefacts found on Vulcan. From a very young age, Jim was encouraged to immerse himself in the culture of both worlds. As a result, Jim was developing a strange sense of homesickness for the planet he had never visited._

'_Comparing culture.' Jim said. He put the PADDs to the side and sat up, crossing his legs. 'What's up?'_

'_Nothing.' Spock pursed his lips. 'I have the situation under control.'_

'_It's those kids from level seven, isn't it?' Jim asked, as perceptive as always._

_Spock's head flicked up. 'How did you know?'_

_Jim shrugged. 'They've been approaching me, too.'_

_Spock hung his head. 'Then I have been unsuccessful.'_

'_How'dja mean?' Jim asked, frowning._

'_As your older brother, it is my responsibility to protect you.' Spock said slowly. 'I… had hoped that if I were to entertain their need for an emotional demonstration, that they would not… find a need to bother you.'_

'_Hey, I'm the illogical bastard; all I have to do is throw them a smile and they start to get freaked.' Jim leant forward and waved a hand in front of Spock's face to get his attention. 'They shouldn't be bothering you at all, what have they been doing?'_

'_They have insulted me in every way I can possibly imagine.' Spock said quietly. 'They have begun to insult my family, too.' Spock raised his head, eyes unreadable. 'I don't like it when they insult you.'_

_Jim felt respect for his older brother swell in his heart. 'They hit you yet?'_

_Spock's head snapped to look at him. 'Yet?' He repeated._

Crap_ Jim thought. He hadn't meant to say that._

'_Jim.' Spock said slowly, every bit the protective big brother. 'Have they hit you?'_

_Guiltily, Jim started wringing his hands. 'In their defence, I did hit them first.'_

'_Jim!' Spock exclaimed._

'_Spock!' Jim shot back. 'If someone hits you, you sure as hell better hit them back.'_

'_Jim, that is a path of action that I would rather not take.' Spock warned._

_Jim slid off the bed. He stood a little taller than Spock at the moment, a fact Jim never failed to remind his older brother. 'Hit me.'_

'_Jim.' Spock sighed._

'_Spock. Humour the human.' He jerked his head, encouragingly. 'Hit me.'_

_Reluctantly, and very slowly, Spock swung his arm. Jim grabbed it, pulled him into a hold then knocked him over, grabbing his shoulders and pinning him to the ground._

'_Pinned ya.'_

_Spock looked up at him, half glaring, half impressed. 'How did you do that?'_

_Jim clambered off him and offered a hand to pull him up. 'I'll teach you.'_

* * *

Spock examined the PADD held out for him by a cadet, tapping to reveal the rest of the numbers before nodding and heading for the turbo lift. The doors slid open smoothly and he entered his destination. The bridge.

Spock allowed himself a moment of thought for Jim Kirk, likely a stowaway somewhere on the ship. He inclined his head and mentally berated himself for not warning Jim against doing anything idiotic.

Although, he seriously doubted that anything he could say would dissuade him.

He entered the Bridge and greeted Captain Pike.

'Mr. Spock.'

'Captain. Engineering reports ready for launch.'

* * *

'_I looked up your file while you were drooling on the floor.' Captain Pike told him. 'I can't believe who you are.'_

'_Who am I, Captain Pike?' Jim asked rubbing at his bloodied nose._

'_Your father's son.'_

'_And which father would that be?' Jim challenged._

_Pike's expression shifted momentarily, unable to decide on the correct answer. 'Your aptitude tests are off the charts, you were educated at a level that puts most universities to shame. You could do anything. So what is it? You like being the only genius repeat offender in the Midwest?'_

'_I love it.' Jim said with brutal honestly. He smiled and leant back in his chair, spreading his arms and shrugging. 'Maybe I'm just getting in touch with my roots.'_

_Pike frowned. 'This may be where George and Winnona Kirk grew up, but Iowa wasn't their lives. Starfleet was. They were a pair of the brightest officers the Academy ever had the opportunity to teach.' He gestured to the blood that had dripped onto Jim's shirt. 'You know, that instinct to leap without looking was George's nature too.'_

_Jim grinned, his head rolling to the side. 'And no amount of Vulcan lobotomy overpowers a Kirk's genes, right?'_

'_Your father was Captain of a Starship for 11 minutes. He saved 200 lives.'_

'_Just not the two that mattered, huh?' Jim said bitterly._

'_You really want to understand the parents you never knew? Pike challenged. 'Enlist in Starfleet.'_

'_Enlist?' Jim scoffed. 'You guys must be way down on your recruiting quota for the month! I'm happy where I am. For the first time in my whole damn life, I'm doing exactly what I want.'_

'_If you're half the man your father was, or your adopted brother, Jim, Starfleet could use you.'_

_Jim steeled instantly, twitching at the passing mention. 'We done?'_

'_I'm done.' Pike stood, trying to understand the young man in front of him. 'Riverside Shipyard. Shuttle for new recruits leaves tomorrow morning, 0800.' Pike paused for a moment and played his final card._

'_Your brother was one of the smartest fast-tracked students I've seen. He graduated in four years. I dare you to do better.'_

_Jim's fist clenched, bloodied knuckles splitting again._

'_Four years?' He repeated. He looked up at the Captain standing on the other side of the table. 'I'll do it in three.' He promised._

* * *

McCoy didn't know what he was expecting when Jim woke up. He certainly didn't expect to chase a discharged, severely medicated and hyper-allergic cadet all over the damn ship. He was getting too old for this.

Lieutenant Uhura was keeping up behind them, confused but following all the same. McCoy swore repeatedly when he realised the only destination they could be heading for.

'Captain!' Jim yelled, running into the Bridge at full speed. 'Captain Pike, sir…'

Both Captain Pike and Spock stood, frowning at him.

'Kirk, how the hell did you get on board the _Enterprise?_' Pike demanded.

'Jim Kirk, you are not a senior officer and have no business on this bridge.' Spock said, voice dangerously low.

Pike turned to him. 'Did you have anything to do with this?'

'I assure you, Captain, Vulcan's cannot tell lies.' Spock said evenly. McCoy dully noted that, despite not being liars, Vulcan's may be crafty buggers.

'Captain, this man's under the influence of a severe reaction to a vaccine.' McCoy began, ignoring Jim's protests. 'He's completely delusional-'

'Vulcan is not experiencing a natural disaster.' Jim interrupted, his voice forceful. 'It's being attacked by Romulans.'

'Romulans? Cadet Kirk, you've had enough attention for one day.' Pike rounded on McCoy. 'McCoy, take him back to medical. We'll have words later.' He ordered.

'Aye, Captain.' McCoy took a step back. He was about to grab Jim and haul him back to the medbay, but Jim stepped up, levelling the field between himself and the Captain.

'Sir, that same anomaly that we saw today…' he began.

'Cadet Kirk.' Pike said slowly, putting as much emphasis on the rank as possible.

Spock moved forward, using his height to intimidate where his demeanour lost all effect. 'James Kirk, your presence on this bridge-'

Jim rolled his eyes, speaking over the top of him. 'Look, I get it, I'm your dirty little secret-'

'puts this crew in danger, yourself included and that is something I will not allow-'

'and you think I'll ruin your career, but this isn't dealing with bullies in the schoolyard-'

'I can remove you, cadet…'

'Try it!' Jim roared. 'This _cadet_ is trying to save this ship and your sorry ass.'

'By recommending a full stop mid-warp during a rescue mission?' Spock challenged, a sneer almost forming on his lips.

Jim tore away from Spock's accusing eyes and turned to Pike. 'It's not a rescue mission, listen to me, it's an attack.

'Based on what facts?' Spock demanded.

Using the teachings he never fully mastered, but was still very well trained in, he calmed himself, pushing emotions away from the surface and suppressing them.

'That same anomaly, a lightning storm in space that we saw today, also occurred on the day of my birth,' he shot Spock a look that could kill before turning back to Pike, 'the day I was orphaned sir, before a Romulan ship attacked the _U.S.S. Kelvin_.'

McCoy watched in fascination as Jim laid out the information he'd assembled, from various sources and on different topics, forming a watertight argument. Even at the Academy, Jim had always seemed scatterbrained and impatient, but now McCoy was beginning to think that he simply processed information too fast for regular conversation.

'We're warping into a trap, sir.' Jim said finally. 'The Romulans are waiting for us, I promise you that.'

Eyes shifted to Spock as he digested Jim's argument.

'Jim's logic is sound.' He concluded.

A strange look of relief and… _pride_ washed over Jim's face.

'And Lieutenant Uhura is unmatched in xenolinguistics, we would be wise to accept her conclusion.'

Jim's eyes narrowed curiously at Spock's high praise. Such a thing was not easily given from the half-Vulcan and Jim was impressed. He carefully watched Spock's face as Uhura relieved the current communications officer. There was a slight twitch in his neck and a carefully concealed look of satisfaction crossed his face that only someone who had much experience studying Vulcan expressions would have noticed.

Jim dismissed the thought, because all too soon, Captain Pike was issuing a Red Alert and shields were raised.

'Arrival at Vulcan in five seconds.' Sulu announced. 'Four, three.'

Jim looked to the side, throwing a look at his older brother.

'Two.'

Spock returned the look, the similar emotion and understanding shining in his eyes.

No words were said, but the meaning was clear.

_They're coming home_.

'One.'

* * *

**Wow. This one ended up being rather long, didn't it? You get two flashbacks this chapter! Technically one and a half, since the second still occurs within the movie. In regards to the bullying flashback: As if anyone other than Jim taught him that move?**

**So what are you thinking of the dynamic now? A bit of history, a little furthering of plot, and from here on, it's all a bit of a rollercoaster.**

**Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed! This chapter definitely wouldn't have come out (probably at all) anywhere near as fast if it wasn't for your amazing support! I tried to reply to everyone who reviewed because you all have no idea how much help you are when I'm sitting in front of this word doccument thinking "screw it all. I can't do this."**

**Please review!**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

'_He doesn't have hair.' Spock said, peering at the tiny baby asleep in his mother's arms._

_Amanda laughed and reclined further into the pillows._

'_He does, sweetie, it's just blond.' Amanda said softly._

_Spock clambered on top of the bed, trying to see the face in the bundle of cloths. 'Blond.' He repeated, trying the new word slowly. He frowned at the baby, eyebrows knitting together in confusion._

'_Here.' Amanda beckoned her son over to sit on her lap and placed the newborn in front of him, cradled with her legs and hand. Spock stared down at him with wide-eyed fascination._

'_I don't see any hair.' Spock muttered._

'_It's there.' Amanda assured him. She guided his hand carefully to brush at the fine hair on the soft skull. Spock gasped when he felt it, feather-light. 'Careful.' Amanda urged, but Spock's touch was almost reverent on the baby's head._

'_Why is it blond?' Spock asked._

'_Sometimes humans have different hair colours.' Amanda explained._

'_He's human?' Spock asked, wriggling around to look up at his mother._

'_Yes, he is.'_

'_Like you.' Spock said, then looked back at the baby. 'Almost like me.'_

_Amanda's heart ached at her son's conclusion and she rested her cheek on his dark head. She was about to speak again when Sarek entered, his shoulders set and face unreadable._

_Amanda could tell something was wrong as soon as she saw him._

'_Sarek?' she asked, worry creeping into her voice. 'What is it?'_

'_I received a communication.' He answered. 'It concerns the _U.S.S. Kelvin_.'_

_Spock didn't listen when his father spoke quietly to her and his mother started sobbing quietly against his back._

_His fingers brushed the soft blond hair and the baby slept happily._

* * *

Nothing could have prepared Spock for seeing the utter carnage they dropped out of warp into. Collisions rocked the bridge and within moments of the danger presenting itself, Spock had one arm over Jim's shoulders, anchoring him and protecting him from being thrown about. Jim tolerated the action, because he knew he didn't have the strength to throw the arm off. Spock would often take his human strength into account, moving away if he was shoved, even if the push couldn't budge him, but he wouldn't move now, not if Jim was in danger.

The inertial dampeners were compensating now, steadying the ship as it was battered from all sides by small debris. Jim threw the protective arm off and Spock allowed him. He touched his other shoulder, the one that had jarred slightly while trying to hold Jim safely.

Spock returned to his science station, scanning for any anomalies. Jim spared a glance to the side, where McCoy was looking slightly sickly and gripping the consol with white-knuckled strength. His aviophobia had slowly become manageable over the years and hours of flight simulations, but when you've dropped out of warp into a graveyard of ships and being knocked around by explosions, there isn't a person on board who isn't scared of flying.

'Captain, they're locking torpedoes.' Spock reported.

Jim's eyes were firmly fixed on Captain Pike, the calm, authoritative voice handing out commands in the chaos. _That is what I want_ he thought to himself. _That's who I want to be_.

'Captain, the Romulan Ship has lowered some kind of high-energy pulse device into the Vulcan atmosphere.' Spock spoke. 'Its signal appears to be blocking our communications and transporter abilities.'

Jim shot him a concerned glance. 'A weapon?'

'I'm not sure.' Spock answered truthfully.

Then, suddenly, inexplicably, the enemy ship stopped firing.

'Captain, we're being hailed.' Uhura said, and then a face appeared on screen.

Jim had never actually seen a Romulan in person, the familiar pointed ears and slanted eyebrows were so… alien that it churned in his gut.

'I do not speak for the Empire.' The Romulan, Nero, said, his head cocking to one side. 'We stand apart. As does your Vulcan crew member-' Jim's head jerked to the side. '-isn't that right, Spock?'

Spock stood smoothly, face as impassive as ever. Jim knew for a fact that his brother had never met a Romulan before. All eyes followed him as he moved forward.

'Pardon me; I do not believe that you and I are acquainted.'

Jim had to hand it to him, his theory was good. If there was anything a Romulan would get angry about, and therefore sloppy, it was one of their Vulcan cousins, being as diplomatic and logical as usual.

'No we're not. Not yet.' Nero answered, chillingly calm. 'Spock, there's something I would like you to see.'

Without elaborating, Nero gave Captain Pike instructions and the transmission was cut off.

All eyes followed Pike as he stood.

'He'll kill you. You know that.' Jim said.

'Your survival is unlikely.' Spock added, his voice layering over the top of his brother's.

'Diplomacy is a waste of time. You'll put yourself in danger for nothing.'

'I agree, you should re-think your strategy.'

'I know that.' Pike replied. 'I need officers who've been trained in advanced hand-to-hand combat.'

'I have training, sir.' Sulu volunteered.

'Come with me.' Pike ordered, then he turned the brothers. 'You two as well. You talk over each other so much I feel like I need the both of you to get both sides of the argument.'

* * *

_Spock was leaving the school on his own, which was unusual in itself. The gangly-limbed teenager was never seen without his younger, shorter and constantly grinning brother._

_Inwardly, Spock was concerned that Jim hadn't bounded up to him the minute he finished his session._

'_Son of a bitch!' a voice yelled. Spock was already sprinting before he heard the scrambling footsteps on slippery gravel._

_He rounded the corner and saw Jim crumpled on the ground, three older Vulcan's around him. The oldest Vulcan was completely impassive as he calmly raised his gaze from Jim's crippled form to Spock's hidden expression of fury._

'_He attacked me, then slipped.' The Vulcan reported._

_Spock fell to his knees beside Jim, lifting his head gently. Spock cradled his head, feeling around the skull. His fingers came away from the back of his head slicked with red blood, looking so alien against his green-tinged skin. More red blood was smeared on a jagged rock nearby and the thought made Spock burn with hatred._

_Jim twitched and moaned, pain flitting across his face._

'_You're okay, Jim.' Spock muttered. 'I've got you. You're safe.'_

_Carefully, he gripped Jim's wrist and pulled him upwards, slinging him across his back. Jim was mostly limp and let his brother slide him into a piggy-back, conscious enough to link his hands around Spock's neck._

_Spock's eyes were smouldering when he stood and faced the older Vulcan's. With restraint he wasn't aware he had, he prioritized and turned around._

_He ran the entire way home.

* * *

_

Spock, Jim and Sulu followed close behind Captain Pike as they walked through engineering towards the shuttle bay. They listened closely to his orders, the plan he'd laid out in seemingly no time at all.

'And if all else fails, fall back and rendezvous with the Fleet in the Laurentian system.' He stopped outside the turbolift and turned back to them. 'Kirk, I'm promoting you to First Officer.'

'What?' Jim demanded.

'Captain.' Spock said sharply. His mouth hovered open for a moment, but he could think of nothing to say.

'You two balance each other out. Between the two of you, there's at least one level-headed smart thinker.' Pike smirked. 'And I'm not Captain, Spock. You are.' Pike said.

Spock faltered for a moment. 'Captain, permission to speak with Cadet Kirk for a moment.' He was speaking to Pike, but his eyes never left Jim, who was twitching with a strange sense of agitation. Jim looked to Pike, impatiently waiting for permission.

Pike waved Jim away. 'Talk to your brother.'

It wasn't the first time he'd been asked to do that.

The first, when Jim was just shy of seven years of age, old enough to know _why_ his ears weren't pointed and his blood wasn't green. Old enough to feel a chill come over him when he saw his brother and father –strangers, he never knew them, not really –and ended up hiding in his room or close to his mother's leg. He didn't know how to react to the boy he'd grown up with, who'd protected him and taught him things. He wasn't his brother, not really. It wasn't until Sarek, not Amanda, surprisingly enough, had knelt down to his level, placed a hand on his shoulder and said, 'Talk to your brother, Jim. He misses you.'

The next time, and the time after that, and even more spread over the last few years, Amanda speaking over a comm., her face weary and eyes aged.

'Talk to your brother.' She urged, time and time again.

'No.' Jim had said shortly.

'Jim…' Amanda began.

'We just don't have anything to talk about. I don't see the point.' Jim had shrugged, then promptly changed the subject.

However, this time, Jim pulled Spock a safe distance away from Pike and Sulu.

'This isn't right.' Jim muttered angrily. 'This is too much of the same. The lightning storm, the shuttle.' He looked up at Spock , frowning slightly. 'Don't do anything stupid, okay?'

Spock paused for a moment. 'Jim. This mission is too dangerous.'

'What?' Jim demanded.

'There are too many undetermined variables, anything could go wrong.' Spock continued. 'I won't allow it.'

Jim laughed incredulously. 'You're telling me to stay on the ship?'

Spock nodded. 'I don't want you to go on this mission.'

'Yeah, well I didn't want you to leave me, but we don't always get what we want.' Jim shot back scathingly. He moved off, sliding into the turbolift behind Sulu.

'Be careful with the ship, Spock.' Pike said offhandedly. 'She's brand new.'

The doors slid closed and he stayed there, staring at the control panel as it blinked downwards.

'Be careful with my brother.' He whispered.

* * *

**Yay! New chapter! Expect them to be coming a little slower now, back at school and all that. Okay, I totally made up the bit about Vulcans not having blond hair, but Spock was tiny! Maybe he just thought that *hides behind plot device***

**What did you think about this one? Spock's being all protective, cute little flashbacks... Pike being snarky. Bit more intrigue into their past...**

**And now for the big question: What about Amanda? Does she survive? Does she not? I need to hear what you want, people!**


	5. Chapter 5

_When Jim reached two years old, Spock was already in, what would be for a human, the curiosity age. However, for a half-Vulcan who was just beginning to understand complex issues, Spock's question-asking stage had been transformed into an explanation stage._

'_And this is a pin cushion.' Spock said solemnly, passing the object to Jim. 'It currently does not have pins in it, but that does not change its name.' The younger brother gripped it in a pudgy hand, staring at it for a moment before dropping it and following Spock as he inspected every corner of the room._

_Spock plucked a petal from one of the potted plants their mother kept. 'This is a piece of a flower.' He informed. Jim instinctively went to put the petal in his mouth, but Spock pushed his hand down. 'It is not for eating.'_

_Jim nodded understanding earnestly before pointing at a cloth bag, demanding, in his own way, to know what was inside._

_Amanda sometimes thought it was strange that when the young brothers were alone, Jim quietened and Spock became more talkative, the inverse of the norm. She had theorised that it was due to the young boy's quiet awe for anything his older brother did, and the joy Spock took in explanations._

'_Sarek?' she asked, her voice ringing out through the house. 'Where are Spock and Jim?'_

___It was very rare that one of their names would leave her mouth without the other following close behind, mimicking how they were in life. _It had been that way ever since Jim had been old enough to walk and Spock had been wise enough to lead. It was as if, at that moment, they had ceased to be individuals and became one entity, Spock-and-Jim.

'_They are in your study.' Sarek answered._

_It hadn't taken long to find them. Her knitting bag had been overturned, contents strewn everywhere in the name of discovery and adventure. Spock and Jim were in the middle of a mess of gray wool, curled around each other like puppies._

_Amanda smiled when Spock nudged Jim closer to himself, blond and black hair contrasting against the browned and pale skin. It seemed that everything in the universe was working to force them apart, in personality, in the colour of their blood, but they still clung to each other, wrapped up together in gray wool and soft breaths._

_Amanda couldn't disturb the image, so she knelt down and silently gathered two of the scattered knitting needles and begins at one end of the wool._

_She knits a large, misshapen, crude sweater. It's the only thing she can knit –other than a scarf –and she'd never learnt how to adjust the sizes to fit a toddler._

_She shrugs off the thought anyway, deciding that one of them can wear it when they're older, until then, they can curl up in its comfort together._

_Her sons, her boys. Spock-and-Jim._

* * *

Reports bounced back and forth between the _Enterprise_ and the jump-team. Endless strings of numbers, distances from the target. It was a testament to Jim's endless emotional training exercises that kept his voice steady and calm as he free-fell, his composure keeping the other two officers sane. Or perhaps it was simply due to Jim's personality.

'O-Olsen is gone, sir.' Chekov stammered, scarcely able to believe the readings the computer was giving.

Spock's hand tightened on the arm of the captain's chair imperceptively.

'Kirk has landed, sir.' Chekov reported, and Spock's relief was almost unnoticeable.

Almost.

Tense moments passed on the bridge, with little knowledge of what was happening miles from the planet's surface.

Uhura reported the news that made Spock breathe out a long, steady breath in relief.

'The jamming signal's gone, transporter abilities are re-established.'

'Transporter control is reengaged, sir.' Chekov added.

'Retrieve them the instant the transporter room has a lock.' Spock ordered. 'Chekov, run gravitational sensors, I want to know what they were doing to the planet.'

'Aye Commander-' Chekov cut himself off. 'Captain, sorry, Captain.'

* * *

Chekov's own throat became constricted as he registered the report he was ordered to give.

'If my calculations are correct, they're creating a single entity,' he spun to face the acting captain, 'that will consume the planet.'

Spock's eyebrows shifted in horror. 'They are creating a black hole in the centre of Vulcan?'

The information was almost too much for him to fully comprehend, but he allowed logic to overcome his emotions and he sprung into action.

* * *

'_I found it.' Jim announced, striding into the hall with a bundle of gray cloth in his arms. 'It was in the bottom of my cupboard. Pretty much the ugliest sweater I've ever seen.' He passed it over to his brother with a grin in place. 'I don't know why you're going to wear that in public, let alone in front of the Council.'_

'_What are you talking about? You used to love this sweater! Besides, _I_ think it's cute.' Amanda defended her craftsmanship._

'_Mom.' Jim looked at her pointedly. 'I have a holovid of me puking on your shoulder and you still called me cute.'_

_Spock rubbed the material reverently. 'Thank you, Jim.'_

_He moved into his bedroom to change into an outfit that would allow the sweater to be worn. Jim leant against the observation window and watched the movement of life in the city below._

'_I can't believe he's already applied for the Science Academy.' Jim muttered. He looked hopefully at his mother. 'Do you think he'll get in?'_

'_Spock can do anything he sets his mind to.' Amanda says confidently. 'I know he'll get in.'_

_Jim practically beamed at his mother's assurance. 'Think about it, though. Spock'll be the first…'_

_He trailed off, unable to think of a polite word to describe his brother. Echoes of harsh words from school peers rang through his mind. _Hybrid. Half-breed. Freak. _He suppressed them down with all the training he had._

_Jim brushed it off. 'He'll be the first. He's worked so hard, he deserves it.'_

_Amanda smiled at her son's evident pride. 'What will you do, once you finish school?'_

_Jim sighed at the thought. Amanda had been harassing him for quite some time about choosing a profession. Despite the fact that there was only one years difference between himself and Spock, Jim had to be held back two years worth of schooling to keep up to the Vulcan expectations._

'_I don't know.' He shrugged. 'Become a mechanic. Maybe get a job on a passenger craft, take a turn around the universe.' He grinned at her. 'Might even drop by Earth.'_

_Amanda hesitated for a moment. 'You could join Starfleet.'_

_Jim snapped around to face her. 'What? Mom, no.'_

'_Sweetheart, Starfleet has the best of everything to offer you.' Amanda began. 'You deserve so much more than being a mechanic on a broken down ship.'_

'_Yeah, well I'm not signing up for Starfleet, alright?' Jim said shortly._

'_I always thought you'd be running off to the Academy the minute you were old enough to pass the test, just like-'_

'_You finish that sentence, Mom, and I'm walking out.' Jim warned, voice strained._

'_Jimmy!' Amanda exclaimed, affronted._

'_Starfleet's the reason I don't have a family, I'm not gonna-'_

_Amanda forcefully grabbed her son and spun him to face her._

'_You listen to me, young man.' Amanda said sharply, her tone commanding respect. 'You have a family and we all love you very much. Starfleet was not responsible for what happened on the _Kelvin_. Both your parents and I were involved in Starfleet, and I don't regret a second of it.' She placed both hands on the side of his face, smiling at him in the way he'd always treasured. 'You could make a great Captain one day, Jim, I'm sure of it.'_

_Jim couldn't help but feel pride swell up inside him at those words, but he locked the emotion away under a harsh remark. 'All a Captain does is get people killed.'_

_Spock emerged from his bedroom, dressed in a high collared white uniform with the ratted, thick grey sweater pulled over the top._

_Jim's personality changed like the flip of a switch, bright and warm. 'You wearing your lucky rocket ship undies?' he teased._

'_Not unless our laundry was misplaced again.' Spock replied smoothly._

_Jim grinned and shrugged. He could handle the small ribbing, especially if it meant taking Spock's mind off the anxiety of meeting the Council._

'_Knock them dead, Spock.'_

'_I certainly hope not.' Spock remarked, his eyes twinkling with humour._

* * *

Chekov's brilliant calculations compensated for the gravitational pull, but there wasn't enough time to withdraw all the momentum from their freefall. The bright lights encase them mere meters from the ground and the next moment they appeared in the transporter room.

Jim had rolled underneath Sulu during the final moments of their fall. He grunted, crushed under the weight of the other man. He felt several ribs crack and break from the force and groaned at the pain.

Sulu rolled off, coughing and spluttering on the transporter pad. Chekov exclaimed something joyous in Russian. Jim could hardly move, but intense relief swept through him as he felt solid, unshifting ground underneath him.

Warm, careful hands lifted him slowly, positioning him to sit on the edge of the pad and supporting the weight placed on wounded ribs. Jim hissed through his teeth and he didn't even need to open his eyes.

'Thanks, Spock.' He muttered.

Spock watched him with a concerned expression he hardly bothered to mask.

'You have several broken ribs.' He informed the wounded man. 'Do not move until a medical team is able to retrieve you.'

Spock shot a pointed look at a nearby Ensign who scurried off to alert Medical.

'Help me up.' Jim said.

'No.' Spock answered shortly. 'Your wounds are too extensive-'

'Bullshit. Help me up.'

Jim braced himself on Spock's form, a hand on the steady shoulder to lever onto his feet. His entire upper body muscles were burning from the fist fight and hanging on by his fingertips, miles from the planet's surface and his ribs stabbed with white hot fire.

Jim noticed the utility belt with phaser and communicator and his eyes narrowed.

'You better be making a fashion statement, Spock.' He warned.

Spock refused to let his eyes drop guiltily. 'There are things you don't understand.'

'Spock, what the hell are you planning on doing?' Jim's voice was low.

'Clear the pad.' The Vulcan ordered, and Sulu moved to obey. 'Prepare to beam to the surface.' He ordered to Ensign Chekov at the transporter consol.

'You're going down there? Are you nuts?' Jim demanded. 'This is exactly the kind of bullshit I knew was going to happen. It's suicidal, Spock, and you know it.'

'And leaping from the platform was not?' Spock shot back.

'That-' Jim grimaced and began again. 'That saved a life.'

'Hopefully, so will this.'

The older brother pushed away, speaking quickly to Ensign Chekov at the transporter consol. Jim grunted, pressing a hand into his side. It came away slicked with blood, Jim dazedly rubbing the sticky red substance between his fingers.

'Spock.' He croaked, before dropping to his knees and slumping forward.

Spock caught him before he hit the ground, one hand bracing on his shoulder and the other coaxing his head up.

Jim blinked furiously as the concerned face in front of him blurred. He felt two sharp ribs stabbing through his skin, blood darkening the blue space-jump suit.

'It's okay, it's okay.' He assured him, head lolling. 'It doesn't hurt. I can't even feel it.'

Suddenly, McCoy was there, barking orders and he was lifted onto a gurney. Jim reached out and his blood slicked hand clutched Spock's blue sleeve.

'Spock, you can't.' he said, with as much force as he could muster.

'I must.' Spock lifted his gaze to the doctor, who waved him off.

'I've got him, he'll be fine.' McCoy answered the unspoken question.

With great effort, Spock pulled his arm from Jim's grip and moved to the transporter pad. He crouched on the platform.

'Energise.' He ordered.

Jim's vision faded to blackness shortly after white light engulfed his brother.

They were always opposites.

Spock-and-Jim.

* * *

**_What? You thought you were going to get an answer to whether or not Amanda survived this chapter? Whoops. Guess you'll just have to keep reading! *is evil*_**

**_Yes, I included a backstory for the big sweater, I just couldn't get the image of Spock-and-Jim curled up in the gray wool out of my head. Toddlers are so cute, and that sweater had to have a story. Also, this is me, hoping desperately that sweater is the correct term. I'm Aussie, so I could get a few things like that wrong. I'm paranoid that Jim will call Amanda "Mum" at some point._**

**_Please review! Ideas, theories, constructive critisism, anything is much appreciated!_**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

_The Council's majestic, high-roofed hall was cold, the temperature lowered below the average outside. Spock was grateful for this; thankful that the grey-woollen sweater he was wearing served a practical purpose and not just sentimental comfort._

_The silence echoed through the hall as the Chief Minister examined Spock's file._

'_You have far surpassed the expectations of your instructors in the area of Sciences. Your final record, however, is flawed.' The Minister announced._

'_Each of those instances have been thoroughly examined.' Spock informed them. 'My reactions were found to be acceptable given the circumstances.'_

'_There is no doubt that you display a lack of emotional control, particularly regarding your family.' At this, the Minister cast a side-long glance towards Ambassador Sarek, as if this was his fault._

'_I fail to see how that will impair my study.' Spock said. 'My brother will not be standing beside me as I research.'_

_If possible, the Minister's emotionless face frowned._

'_You are aware that adherence to the discipline of Kolinahr is expected of all our students.' He said._

'_My intelligence, as well as my performance in my study, is more than sufficient to warrant acceptance.' Spock argued._

'_Arrogance does not become you, Spock.'_

'_Nor you, Minister.'_

'_Spock.' Sarek said sharply and Spock backed down._

_The Chief Minister conferred with the rest of the Council. Spock balled his hands into fists behind his back._

'_You can understand that this decision is a difficult one.' The Minister said finally. 'Your emotional outbursts may prove hazardous to this establishment. However, your skill and potential has proven to be in your favour. You are hereby accepted to the Vulcan Science Academy. All rise.'_

'_Hazardous to this establishment?' Spock repeated under his breath as the Council stood._

'_You must be aware, Spock, that future emotional outbursts will not be tolerated.' The Minister continued. 'The disadvantages caused by your genetic heritage and family upbringing may not interfere with your study. Be aware of the risk this Council is taking in accepting you, and be grateful for this opportunity.'_

_Spock's jaw clenched and his eyes narrowed. 'Council. Ministers.' He said slowly. 'Allow me to express my gratitude. I decline.'_

'_No Vulcan has ever declined admission to this academy.' The Minister said._

'_Then as I am half-human, your records remain untarnished.' Spock replied._

_He raised his head and the shadow of a smirk touched his lips._

'_Live long and prosper.'_

* * *

Heartbeat. Heartbeat. Breath. Heartbeat. Heartbeat.

Jim gasped as he woke, only selective sensations piercing through the drug fogged mind. Someone was yelling. It was cold. Something burnt filled the air.

Jim frowned and opened his eyes slowly. There was pain and drugs and flat, uncomfortable biobeds.

'B-… Bones.' His voice was hoarse and rough. 'Bones.'

There was movement and more shouted orders, but Jim couldn't focus his eyes and had trouble deciphering words. A sharp sting on his neck followed by a hand on his shoulder brought him back to reality.

'That'll clear your head a bit.' McCoy said. 'You've been on a cocktail of drugs.'

'My toes are all tingly.' Jim slurred, his mind sobering. He could hear the smile in McCoy's voice. Living with Vulcan's for nineteen years fine-tuned his ability to detect emotions.

'You'll be fine. You got lucky this time. Good facilities, clean break of the bone.' McCoy tapped on a PADD and gave it to a nurse. 'Your ribs are fixed, no lasting damage. You'll probably want to get the drugs out of your system, so don't be surprised if-'

Jim rolled over the biobed, gripping the edge and heaving. He retched and vomited, spew splashing on the sickbay floor. McCoy stepped back and yelled for someone to bring him a towel. Jim kept his eyes on McCoy's boots as he heaved again. He dully noted McCoy's scrubs were already stained with bile and blood and something sickly green.

A towel wiped across his face and Jim spat into it gratefully.

'If I had a credit for every time you threw up on me, Jim.' McCoy muttered.

Jim grunted and touched his ribs. Other than tenderness, he seemed fine. McCoy sat beside him on the biobed. Without warning, he blurted a confession.

'I had a brother.'

The words fall from his mouth almost like the vomit from moments ago and he forced down a wince at the comparison. McCoy looked at him, an eyebrow raised in a way that asks if he really wanted to say this.

'A- A real one.' Jim added. 'For like, two months. His name was George Samuel Kirk and he was born premature.' He smiled humourlessly. 'He didn't last long. He died on his original due date.'

'Jim.' McCoy started. 'You're sick. You don't have to-'

'I gotta –I gotta say this.' Jim frowned, eyes not leaving the ground as he spoke.

McCoy moved to sit next to him on the biobed, listening intently.

'My Mom and Dad had three miscarriages before George Samuel and, uh, four after him. They wanted kids so bad, but they couldn't do it any more, so Mom called her old room-mate from the Academy. Amanda Grayson.' Jim turned to him, eyes shining with a strange emotion. 'You ever heard of her?'

McCoy shook his head and tried to ignore the look of sadness that flashed across his best friend's face.

'Anyway.' Jim cleared his throat. 'Amanda and Mom were good friends back in the Academy.

* * *

'_Win.' Amanda said, digging through the closet._

_A groan from the other side of the room._

'_Winona, where is my other boot?'_

_The blankets shifted as Winona buried deeper into them._

''_m still asleep.'_

'_Then wake up. Class starts in half an hour.' Amanda reminded her._

'_I can get heaps of sleep in half an hour.' Winona mumbled. She rolled over and regarded her roommate with a raised eyebrow. 'What are you so excited about?'_

'_Inter-planetary Political Science.' Amanda said cheerfully. 'There's a guy in my class whose been debating against me all term. I've finally got the examples I need to take him down.'_

'_You need to get out more.' Winona said. 'Or less. I haven't decided yet.'_

'_He's from Iowa.' Amanda supplied, still searching their room. 'You two should catch up, you might go way back.'_

'_Yes, then we'll get married, have lots of fat babies and makes sweet, sweet love every night.' Winona drawled. She frowned and sat up, pushing the blankets from her face. 'Wait, not… Kirk?'_

'_Yeah.' Amanda pulled the cadet reds on, flicking her long dark hair out of the turtleneck. 'He's in Command Track. Blue eyes, mid-Western drawl…'_

'_Unbearably arrogant attitude.' Winona finished._

'_If it makes you feel any better, I'm going to kick his ass in class today.' Amanda said cheerfully._

'_It does, Amanda.' Winona smiled, falling back on her pillow._

_Amanda grabbed her PADD and zipped up her boots. 'I still think you should get together.' She said nonchalantly. 'You're both so stubborn you might cancel each other out.'_

_The door hissed closed moments before the pillow thumped against it._

* * *

'Amanda Grayson was living on Vulcan at the time.' Jim continued. 'Married to the Vulcan Ambassador to Earth and a senior Starfleet communications officer. She had also given birth to a healthy Vulcan-Human hybrid.'

'Spock.' McCoy supplied.

'Yeah. Spock.' Jim swallowed and craned his neck around to see his best friend's face. 'You're the doctor, you know about surrogacy, right?'

McCoy's eyebrow quirked but he nodded. 'That's an antiquated term. A second woman carries the foetus to term for a couple.'

Jim snorted at a memory. 'When they asked her, Amanda said that she gave birth to a Vulcan, how hard could a Kirk be?' he smiled to himself there, but a bitter edge carried through.

'Jim, why didn't they use a mech-uterus?' McCoy asked.

Jim threw his head back and laughed. 'Mom and Dad wanted me to be normal. Last time anyone called me that, huh?'

McCoy handed him a small paper cup of water.

'Rinse and spit.' He instructed.

Jim obeyed, drool mixing with the rest of the fluid on the floor.

'The rest of the story isn't hard to figure out.' Jim shrugged. 'I was on Vulcan being born when the _Kelvin_ attacked. I had no where else to go so Amanda and Sarek adopted me.'

* * *

_Spock, dressed in his black pyjamas, stood close to the doorway in his home, watching his parents have a heated argument. He stayed silent, his brow creasing slightly at the raised voices –voice, Sarek's tone never changed –and hiding a little behind the doorframe._

'_You have stated on multiple occasions how necessary love and affection is for a human child, Amanda.' Sarek said. 'Vulcan is hardly hospitable for a human, much less a child.'_

'_You're saying he won't get that here?' Amanda challenged. 'Well then, maybe I should leave too.'_

'_You are making assumptions.' Sarek answered firmly. His face softened and he stepped closer to her. 'Forgive me for asking this, but is the grief you feel for George and Winona Kirk clouding your judgement?'_

_Amanda spun sharply on her heel and walked towards the window. 'We were listed as potential adoptive parents in their wills.' She stated._

'_It is a responsibility we are able to refuse.' Sarek reminded her. 'James would become emotionally stunted if he were to remain on Vulcan.'_

'_Yeah, he's not the only one.' Amanda muttered under her breath._

_Sarek's head tilted but he didn't question her. 'He is not our son.' He reminded her._

_Amanda pulled back from him. 'I carried him. I felt him grow.' She said softly._

'_I was merely implying,' Sarek attempted to find the words, 'Spock will suffer enough because of his hybrid heritage. James will not be tolerated in Vulcan society-'_

'_Think of it as a lesson in tolerance.' Amanda said. 'Vulcan is supposed to be part of the Federation. How many other species live here? And, I mean… Spock…'_

_Sarek's face did not betray his concerns. Spock pressed himself closer to the doorway, trying to vanish into the wood._

'_Spock will always be surrounded by people who look down on him.' Amanda spoke softly. 'He needs someone who looks up to him.' She smiled. 'Spock needs a brother. I know James will always admire him and Spock will always protect him.'_

_Sarek nodded slightly and his gaze shifted to over Amanda's shoulder._

_Amanda spun around, finally noticing Spock's small form hiding at the doorway._

'_Spock, what are you doing there?' she asked._

'_The baby woke up.' Spock said, stepping into the room. 'He's not crying. I was… concerned.'_

'_You did the right thing, Spock.' Amanda assured him. She walked over to him and picked the small boy up, settling him on her hip. 'Let's get you both asleep.'_

_Spock hugged around Amanda's neck, watching his father over his mother's shoulder as he was carried from the room._

_Sarek inclined his head, something akin to a smile echoing across his features while he watched his wife and one of his sons._

* * *

Jim suddenly shifted, staring down at his hands. 'You know, they ran some tests on my DNA. Turns out, if Mom and Dad had me the normal way, I probably would have survived. The birth, I mean, I would have burnt up in the Kelvin or a shuttle.' Jim shrugged voice bitter. 'Just as well. Dad would never be able to save the two hundred lives he did with his wife in labour.'

'Y'know how Pike called me a genius that one time?' Jim asked him. McCoy nodded mutely. 'I'm nothing special. I was just trying to prove I could handle whatever Spock could.'

'Jim.' McCoy said evenly. 'You grew up on a planet where you were the only human of your age, and you still managed to be who you are now. That makes you special.'

Jim smiled at that. 'My teenage rebellion consisted of smiling and watching holovids from Earth. Spock used to hate it when-'

Jim's head snapped up and he turned to McCoy, eyes wide.

'Spock beamed down to Vulcan.' He remembered. 'What happened to him, is he okay?'

'Jim.' McCoy said softly. 'A lot of things happened while you were out.'

Stumbling slightly, Jim slid off the side of the bed, blinking rapidly as he glanced around sickbay. He bent slightly to the side, but he hardly even limped.

'Spock?' he called softly. The sickbay was bustling with movement, but he couldn't see the unmistakable figure of his older brother. 'Spock?'

'Damnit, Jim. You need to sit down.' McCoy warned, manoeuvring in front of him and grabbing him by the shoulder.

'Where is he?' Jim panicked, heart-rate spiking. 'Bones, what happened on Vulcan?'

'I'll explain, Jim.' McCoy assured him. 'But only if you sit down.'

Jim had staggered to the foot of his biobed, and for the briefest moment, McCoy's eyes flicked down over Jim's shoulder, glancing at the bed next to them. He suddenly became very aware of the sickly green stains on his medical scrubs.

Jim frowned and slowly turned his head, following his friend's eyes.

A Science Blue uniform was stained by dust and Jim's own red blood on the sleeve. His pointed ears and pale face was streaked with dirt. His chest wasn't moving with steady breaths, Spock was utterly still.

Jim stumbled towards him, reaching out and gripping his brother's cold hand. His cheeks were sallow and his skin was tinted an unnatural white. Spock was never this cold, never this faded.

'Wh-what happened?' Jim forced out.

'Vulcan.' McCoy said shortly, resting a hand on Jim's shoulder.

Jim raised his eyes to the biobed's readouts. He wasn't a doctor, but he could guess what the information was saying.

Spock was in a coma, and it didn't look like he would wake up.

* * *

_**Bet ya didn't see that one coming! I'm sorry this chapter was so long in coming, expect that time lapse from now on.**_

**_What did you think of Spock's general awesomeness in front of the Council? Just a few things I expect he picked up from Jim along the way. We finally got our explanation, for some of the backstory at least. This chapter focused more on George and Winona Kirk and Amanda and Sarek than the boys. But what's wrong with Spock?_**

**_I've been using the reviews as motivation for me to study. If I study for a good block of time, I get to read a review! So keep them coming! Raise my marks, and get chapters faster. Everybody wins a prize._**

**_Please, please review! I want to know if I'm on the right track for readers expectations. What do you want to see more of? Less of? Cute ideas for flashbacks? I have exams soon, so any review will make me study harder!_**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

Chekov's heart had thudded wildly and his legs shuddered from the adrenaline rush. Moments after calculating the impossible transport of the pilot and the stowaway, Chekov had given a victorious shout in Russian and sagged in obvious relief. His limbs still tingled from the rush the successful beaming had given him.

Chekov hardly noticed Commander Spock speaking quietly to the cadet. His mind was still full of the swirling equations he had employed on instinct. Papa always said he could think on his feet, this time, Pavel had thought how to do the impossible while running through the _Enterprise_'s hallways.

Spock approached him, clipping an away-team utility belt around his waist.

'Clear the pad.' The Vulcan ordered. Lieutenant Sulu, obviously exhausted and in pain, moved to obey. 'Prepare to beam to the surface.'

Spock's intense glare settled on Chekov, who was still standing at the consol. Foggy minded, Chekov slid the command into the computers.

'You're going down there? Are you nuts?' Cadet Kirk demanded. 'This is exactly the kind of bullshit I knew was going to happen. It's suicidal, Spock, and you know it.'

Chekov knew it too. He saw the gravitational sensors. Saw the readings that doomed the planet. Saw Spock stand from his chair smoothly and instruct the other bridge officers before speaking to Lieutenant Uhura in a low pitched tone at the turbo lift. This was all seconds before the seventeen-year old was handed the responsibility of taking control of the comm in a time of crisis.

But Chekov didn't know why the First Officer was beaming down into such a dangerous situation.

Spock listed a series of numbers, co-ordinates, and Chekov inputted them into the machines easily enough.

Cadet Kirk croaked out, 'Spock' with a strange familiarity and collapsed, his knees slamming into the ground with a hand pressed to his broken ribs.

Doctor McCoy rushed in, pushing a gurney the Cadet was lifted onto. They spoke for a moment, weak demands and harsh answers. Spock stepped onto the platform and crouched on the transporter pad.

'Energise.'

Chekov obeyed and, with a flash of brilliant white, the Vulcan was gone.

After a few minutes of a post-adrenaline slump, Chekov idly re-calibrated the transporter for the unique atmospheric makeup of the planet they were orbiting.

A signal bleeped on his consol, redirected from communications.

'_Enterprise, six to beam up.'_

The voice of Acting Captain Spock was urgent on the weak communication. Chekov scanned all the sensors, the life signals were far too weak to sustain a lock.

'Sir, you need to move into the open.'

'_That is impossible. The Ark has caved in. We are trapped and the planet doesn't have much longer.'_

'S-sir.' Chekov stuttered. 'There is no way. The life frequencies are too weak.'

'_Override the safety protocols.'_

Chekov knew what Commander Spock was ordering. His choice at the moment was between being infinitely diminished by a black hole or risking a dangerous teleportation.

'_Ensign Chekov.'_ The cool, collected voice of Lieutenant Uhura interrupted over the same communications link. _'If Commander Spock were to activate all sensors on the communicator, would those readings be enough?'_

Chekov's mind was spinning with numbers, estimating quickly.

'_Ensign!'_

'Uh, possibly, maybe.'

'_Do it, Spock. Hurry.'_

'Override safety parameters.' Chekov ordered one of the transporter ensigns as he accessed the programming.

A slew of signals and data poured onto his screens as the communicator's sensors were relayed to them. It was almost impossible to sort through the information to find whatever could be utilized as life frequencies.

'The planet is losing stability.' Another officer reported.

The overlay of frequencies Chekov was collecting established the life signs trapped in the rubble. They were weaker than he would have hoped, but last-minute protocols he instigated would greatly increase their chance of arriving in one piece.

'_Ensign Chekov.'_ Uhura said sharply.

'One minute, one minute.' Chekov muttered.

A brief pause until the communication from the planet burst to life again.

'_We don't have a minute, Ensign.'_ Spock said, his voice brimming with urgency and desperation. _'Energise. _Now._'_

'Locking volume.' Chekov reported.

The system locked onto their signals and whirred under Chekov's fingers. Dazzling bright lights spun rapidly around the pad, forming six figures covered in dust.

They materialised, and the entire transporter room held its breath.

Then, one by one, they all began to fall. They gave no attempt to stop themselves, but crumpled to the ground.

Six skulls connected with the floor with a sickening crack.

* * *

'Wh-What happened to him?' Jim asked. His voice was hoarse like a man trapped in the desert without water.

'There was some interference with his life signal, the transporter had trouble getting a lock.' McCoy answered gruffly. 'But… he's not the only I'm worried about.'

Jim looked up in confusion, because this was his brother, lying here unconscious while the world went to hell around him. What could possibly be worse?

'I'm sorry, Jim.' McCoy placed a hand on his shoulder. The hand became a steering force as Jim was led away from the biobed and to the other end of the Medical Bay, where the most critical patients were treated.

'Vulcans have a higher structural density.' McCoy said as they walked past a patient with serious burns. Jim knew that fact, he'd teased Spock about it numerous times.

'The others are going to be fine.' McCoy stopped mid-step and looked Jim in the eye. 'Spock will be fine.' He said firmly.

Jim nodded distantly. 'What others?' he asked.

'I'm sorry.' McCoy repeated.

'You keep saying that, Bones. What the hell is going on?'

'It's Spock's mom, I didn't realise… shit, I'm sorry.' McCoy's head hung for a moment. 'I don't know if she'll make it.'

Cold fear washed through him and he couldn't speak. McCoy pulled back a privacy curtain to reveal the still figure on the biobed.

Jim always remembered Amanda as having the most animated face he'd ever seen. A quirk of her lips could mean anything from amusement to disappointment to deep love.

Her face was utterly still and vacant.

'What happened?' Jim asked, voice strangely even and calm.

'The transporter. I never trusted those things.' McCoy muttered. 'She's missing significant portions of her liver, kidneys, muscle mass… her digestive system's shot to hell. We just got out of surgery, rerouting her circulation where it failed. I had to cauterize several veins just to keep her alive.'

Jim carefully lifted her thickly bandaged hand. It was smaller than he remembered.

'Two fingers were amputated.' McCoy added.

Jim didn't answer, his thumb brushing over the gauze in place where her pinkie and ring finger used to be. Briefly, he wondered if she could ever wear her wedding ring again.

'Jim?'

The last time he saw her was two months ago on a communiqué after the second time he failed the Kobayashi Maru. He had gotten angry, yelling at _her_ for making Spock so determined to keep him out of space. With each hateful accusation, Amanda had calmly responded with reassuring and loving words.

'Jim.'

He'd never even returned the call once he'd cooled down enough for a proper conversation.

'Yeah, Bones?'

'You're not saying anything.'

'I'm not thinking much, either.' Jim lied. He cocked his head to the side. 'You, uh-, you said there were others?'

As if on cue, Sarek pushed aside the privacy curtain, looking regal in his formal, high-necked robes. Jim jumped to his feet.

'Sarek.' Jim sighed, relief evident in his voice.

The Vulcan nodded his acknowledgement and his eyes fell on the unconscious woman.

Jim stood with his shoulders tensed, like he was waiting for Sarek to say something, an accusation or argument or comfort. His eyes darted down to Amanda.

'Doctor McCoy is her physician.' Jim offered, voice stiff with formality. 'She's in good hands.'

Again, there was no reaction from the older Vulcan while Jim watched expectantly.

'Sarek?' Jim prompted.

'Has the situation been explained to you?'

His tone reminded Jim of when he was a child, a nine year old boy being told that he should consider repeating a year of school because he didn't understand applications of logarithms.

'What, the fact that half my family is unconscious? Yeah, I've been informed of that.' Jim snapped.

Sarek looked over at the blond man glaring at him. Instantly, Jim dropped his eyes, as if he'd been scolded.

'Do you know what happened to Vulcan?' Sarek clarified.

'I was standing on the platform when the enemy ship launched something into the planet.' Jim remembered, rubbing at h is forehead to clear his mind. 'I blacked out when Spock beamed down. Sarek-' Jim glanced around the Sickbay and the other members of the Council. He lowered his voice and swapped languages, slipping easily into the second dialect of Vulcan. '_Why is the High Council here?_'

Sarek looked over at the Council, then over Jim's shoulder. 'Your brother is awake.' He informed him.

Jim spun around, grinning with relief when he saw Spock changing into a clean Science-blue uniform.

'You and your God-damned healing trances, Spock.' Jim exclaimed. 'I could kill you.'

'That would be inconvenient,' Spock said calmly, straightening the cuffs that declared his rank in silver bands, 'as I have just expended much energy in staying alive.'

Jim let out a huff of relief at his brother's usual dry wit. 'You scared the crap out of me. I thought you weren't going to wake up.'

Spock met his eyes for a long moment. 'Are you alright?'

Jim laughed again. 'Me? You were the one who was beamed up from Vulcan through solid rock.' He hesitated, glancing cautiously between Sarek and the other council members. 'Spock, what happened to Vulcan?'

Spock glanced over to his father for conformation before he begun.

'Through technology of unknown origin, the enemy ship was able to alter the gravitational forces within Vulcan's core.' Spock reported, his voice blank and emotionless. 'Minutes after you lost consciousness, the core was transformed into a singularity.'

Jim waved a hand to cut him off. 'Spock, what you're talking about here… it's not possible. The technology just doesn't exist.'

'The singularity then imploded the entire planet and it was crushed into a black hole.'

'Spock. Stop it.' Jim ordered. 'Just shut up, you're not talking any sense. I don't believe you.'

'It is true.' Spock said simply.

Jim couldn't comprehend the enormity of Spock's claim. He dropped his eyes to the floor, searching for the truth.

'Commander.' Uhura's called. She stood by the entrance of Medbay, her brow creased with worry. 'Commander Spock, you're needed on the Bridge.'

He nodded and moved to walk past Jim, who was still staring at the floor as though lost. With a slow movement, he lifted his hand and placed it on Jim's shoulder. Jim's head jerked up to look at him, confusion still etched into his features. Spock gently squeezed the shoulder, a gesture he felt uncomfortable with, unpractised, but it was better than the alternative.

In their secret language, the most important gestured they created was deeper than the pseudo comfort he was showing. There was a secret, ultimate expression of every emotion he wouldn't let himself show. But they hadn't made that gesture in many years. He wasn't sure their relationship was strong enough anymore.

Spock followed Lieutenant Uhura into the turbo lift, his arms clasped behind his back. The doors closed and the lift whirred to life.

Their eyes met for a long moment before Uhura tapped on the consol and the lift halted. She moved in front of him, his dark eyes following her, deep and expressive.

His hands were shaky, but he reached for her anyway.

'You're shivering.' Uhura noted, clasping his hand between both of hers.

'The after-effects of a deep healing trance.' Spock answered the unspoken question. 'I will be fine.'

She brought his hand up to her face, and he slid his long fingers to the nape of her neck, thumb brushing across her cheek.

'I was so worried.' she admitted, leaning into his touch and stepping closer. 'I was listening into the communications, and when the reports came through, about Vulcan, and that you were unresponsive…'

Spock's other arm wrapped around her waist, resting his hand on the small of her back. At this point, he wasn't sure which one of them was being supported. Uhura leant up to him, pressing soft kisses against his lips and along his jaw. Spock's hold on her tightened as she embraced him and he kissed the base of her slender neck.

'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.' She whispered into his shoulder.

Though her words did little to lessen the anxiety he felt, her scent was familiar, comforting.

'What do you need?' Uhura's fingers carded through the short hair at the base of his skull. She pulled back to watch his face carefully. 'What do you need? Tell me.'

'I need-' Spock hesitated, grasping for the emotional control he required for this situation. After a long moment of calming his mind and evening his breathing, he realised he had yet to answer Uhura.

'I need my family to be safe.'

He hadn't made her aware of the entirety of that statement, of exactly who his family was, but the admission brought him comfort.

'They'll be safe.' Uhura said with absolute confidence.

They shared one last soft kiss, Spock's head moving to recapture her lips as Uhura broke away.

The turbo lift hummed to life again and they continued towards the bridge.

* * *

After Spock left Medical Bay with Uhura, McCoy waited anxiously for Jim to react, to break down in tears or punch the wall with his already bruised fist, anything. But he didn't. Jim's gaze shifted from the floor to the unconscious form of his mother, but he did nothing more.

'Jim…' McCoy started.

Jim's posture straightened, his face blank and emotionless. He never looked more like his adoptive brother. He quickly moved to the other end of the infirmary and grabbed a fresh black shirt.

'Jim, stop, goddamn it.' McCoy called, jogging to keep up with him. Jim didn't so much as glance at him while he stripped off the surgery-ripped and blood-stained shirt.

'Jim, look at me. What are you doing?' McCoy demanded.

'I'm going to the Bridge; Spock needs all the help he can get right now.' Jim explained quickly.

'Jim.' McCoy said, and his tone finally made the other man pause. 'I know I can't even imagine what you're going through.'

'Yeah, you can't.' Jim said simply.

'But you've lost so much, and you haven't even reacted.' McCoy continued. 'I can't let you go out into a high pressure environment.'

'So come with me.' Jim shrugged.

'You could lose control.'

Jim threw his head back and laughed; the first honest, albeit hysterical, reaction he'd shown since he awoke.

'I was raised by freaking _Vulcan's_, man,' he said loudly, with no regard to Sarek standing mere meters from him, 'the goddamned kings of emotional repression. I'll deal with this when I've got the time, but right now, I have better things to do.'

He tugged the black undershirt over his head as he walked towards the turbo-lift.

'You coming?' he called over his shoulder.

'That can't be healthy, kid.' McCoy muttered to his friend's retreating form for a moment. He informed Nurse Chapel of where he was going and made one last check of Amanda's vitals before he left, Sarek's shadow a constant presence while he worked.

He got the feeling that a lot was depending on her survival.

* * *

_The moment the front door hissed open, Jim jumped to his feet, tossing the PADD behind him on the couch._

'_So, how'd it go?' Jim asked eagerly._

_Spock didn't answer, he walked briskly down the hallway and tugged off the gray sweater._

'_Did you get into the Academy?' Jim asked, following after him. At Spock's tense shoulders, he guessed the answer. 'That bad, huh? Those bastards, you worked twice as hard as anyone else, you deserve-'_

'_On the contrary,' Spock said, his voice as stressed as his muscles, 'I was accepted into the Vulcan Science Academy.'_

'_Spock, that's great!' Jim exclaimed and thumped him on the shoulder. 'I knew you'd do it, I knew it!'_

_They had arrived at Spock's bedroom, connected to Jim's by a shared bathroom. Jim leant casually against the doorframe, grinning proudly at his brother._

'_You're not so excited.' Jim observed warily._

_Spock's hands tightened in the bundle of gray wool. He paced the length of the room and grabbed a large suitcase from the closet. He threw it onto the bed and shoved the sweater inside._

'_Spock…' Jim said slowly._

'_I said no.' Spock answered._

_Jim straightened and stared at Spock in disbelief._

'_You what?'_

'_They offered me entry and I declined.'_

'_You told them to shove it.' Jim summarized._

'_Indeed.' Spock said. He walked over to the closet and began pulling out items of clothing._

'_Why?' Jim demanded. 'The Academy was your whole future on a plate. You've been talking about that place since we were kids.'_

_Spock's jaw tightened. 'They called you a disadvantage.' He practically spat the last word. 'They talked about me like I was a liability.'_

'_So?' Jim brushed it off. 'We've been called worse.'_

_Spock continued moving around his bedroom, throwing everything he could into the open luggage._

'_I cannot work for people who consider me a disgrace. I can't stay here any longer.'_

_Jim frowned, realisation starting to sink in. 'And now what are you doing?'_

'_I can't…' Spock was strangely stuck for words, the minute frown speaking volumes. 'I can't stay here any longer.'_

'_You're leaving?' Jim exclaimed._

'_I was accepted into Starfleet Academy, on Earth.' Spock said quietly._

'_You're going to Starfleet?' Jim roared._

_Spock flinched at the outburst and hunched his shoulders in guilt._

'_It was the best option given my unique physiology and aspirations.' Spock murmured._

'_Bullshit!' Jim started forward, eyes flaring with pain and anger. 'Starfleet is the reason I don't have my parents, my family is _dead_ because of them. I'm not letting them take you too.'_

_Spock's eyes stayed firmly on the floor and Jim gestured wildly as he shouted._

'_Those bastards have taken enough from me. Starfleet's a death trap, Spock. Don't do this, don't get yourself killed. Don't leave.'_

_The unspoken words were impossibly heavy in the air between them._

_Don't leave me._

'_I have nowhere else to go.' Spock's hands shook with the emotion behind his words._

'_Say here.' Jim suggested desperately. 'Just for a few years. Then I'll be finished school, we –we can get off this rock, find our own ship. Travel the universe _our_ way. Just… stay here.'_

'_I _can't_.' Spock forced out, his eyes finally rising from the floor to meet his brother's intense gaze. 'I cannot stay on a planet where I am treated like a disgrace. I am leaving Vulcan.'_

_Jim stared at him for a moment, a strange expression crossing his usually open face._

'_I'm coming with you.' Jim decided._

_While Spock protested, Jim opened the doorway to their shared bathroom and walked through to his own bedroom._

'_You are not.' Spock said forcefully._

'_I am. You won't survive ten minutes on Earth.' Jim said as he began grabbing the essential items. 'You need an illogical human to keep you grounded.'_

'_Then I will acquire one when I arrive.' Spock snapped._

_Jim stared at him, unable to believe it._

'_I will not allow you to accompany me.' Spock said._

_Jim huffed a forced laugh. 'You might not have a choice.' He pointed out._

'_Neither will you. I will not hesitate to retrain you.'_

_Jim looked over at him, taking in his tensed stance. Years of play fighting, self-defence classes and sheer necessity taught him that position was only two sharp movements away from a nerve pinch._

'_Holy crap, you're serious.' Jim realised softly, reality setting in._

'_This is something I must do by myself and I will not allow you to throw away your future and education to follow me.' Spock said evenly._

'_What about your future? Your education?' Jim challenged. 'It's okay for you to ruin yours?'_

'_Stay in school, Jim.' Spock instructed, retreating into his own bedroom._

_Jim followed, partly incredulous, partly furious._

'_So you're going to leave me alone on Vulcan? No one but you gets me here.'_

'_Stay in school.' Spock repeated._

_By then, his bags were packed with all the essentials. His room was strangely sparse and empty without the small objects that made it his. All that was left were two model star systems hanging from the ceiling, showing the orbit of Earth and Vulcan around their respective stars. The two brothers had lain on the floor of his bedroom, staring at the two planets rotating for hours._

_Spock snapped his fingers and pressed his right hand into his left side, just under his arm, where the Vulcan's heart was located._

_It was the first half of the most important hand gesture they had created for their secret language. When he would touch the hand to the left side of Jim's chest, the meaning became evident, an intense gesture of anything from sorrow to sympathy to joy._

My heart to your heart.

_Spock stretched his hand out towards Jim, eyes pleading with him to understand the emotion he would never let himself show._

_Jim knew what his brother was doing and pushed his hand away forcefully, stepping back and crossing his arms across his chest._

'_You walk out that door,' Jim said, voice even and cold, 'you don't come back.'_

_Spock hesitated for the briefest moment, but then closed his luggage and the door hissed shut behind him._

* * *

Jim walked confidently onto the Bridge, nodding acknowledgement to both Spock and Sulu. Spock stood from the Captain's chair, hands clasped behind his back and keeping a distance between them.

'You will not forgive me for this.' Spock muttered, speaking to his brother even though he couldn't hear him. 'But I am sorry.'

* * *

**_Wow, that was a long one, but it's been a while since I updated, so I guess it balances. I knew what I wanted to establish in this chapter, but because life got in the way, it took a while. Sorry, but updates will probably be coming at this speed from now on. Last year of high school and all that._**

**_Lots happened this chapter. We had the explanation of why Spock was unconscious (yeah, I made up stuff about the transporter, but seriously, that plot device has been used and abused enough to make it canon), Amanda being only partly alive (haha! I got you all there! You thought there was only one or the other), Jim's relationship with Sarek (tense, non-familiar), Vulcan healing trances (I heard the phrase around, but couldn't find sources on the internet. Can someone back me up?), the bombshells being dropped on Jim (*sadface*), Spock and Uhura being cuddly in a lift ("I need my family to be safe" I think Jim's a big influence on him) and Jim's lack of reaction to the destruction of his home planet (Vulcan training's gotta be good for something, right? ...right?) Also, what's Spock planning?_**

**_And the flashback. Poor brothers. Spock can't find himself on Vulcan, so Jim's trapped on a planet he's not accepted, with years to build up resentment. Trust me. What about the "my heart to your heart" bit? And Jim wouldn't let Spock finish it..._**

**_My goodness, I have to thank each and every one of you reviewers. Seriously, even though I took so long updating, I went back and re-read reviews to keep me keen, and trust me, it worked so well. Shout out to the anonymous who reviewed not once, but (possibly) twice, telling me they were still eager and missing it. It really meant heaps to recieve those reviews!_**

**_Please review, I covered a lot of sketchy ground in this (massive) chapter, I hope it was all up to expectations._**

**_Thanks for reading!_**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

The Bridge was mostly quiet for several stretched minutes. Most officers were in a state of shock, having seen the wreckage of the secondary fleet and the destruction of Vulcan in quick succession. Spock recognised the borderline shell-shock and began handing out tasks, pacing the length of the bridge requesting damage reports and expected trajectories. He could feel the confusion in the air and sought to find an explanation, his heart hanging heavy in his side with the knowledge of what he had to do.

'Have you confirmed that Nero is headed for Earth?' Spock asked Uhura, striding to the centre of the bridge to direct attention to him.

'Their trajectory suggests no other destination, Captain.' Uhura replied.

'Thank you.' He inclined his head in her direction.

'Earth may be his next stop, but we have to assume every Federation planet is a target.' Jim reasoned. He was lounging comfortably in the captain's chair, one hand touching his mouth in thought.

'Out of the chair.' Spock said smoothly.

Jim rolled his eyes at his big brother as he stood.

The young Russian frowned. 'Well, if the Federation is a target, why didn't they destroy us?'

'Why would they? Why waste a weapon?' Sulu shrugged. 'We obviously weren't a threat.'

'That is not it.' Spock replied. 'He said he wanted me to see something. The destruction of my home planet.'

'Why you?' Jim prompted. 'He spoke like he knew you. You done anything to piss off a Romulan enough to make him destroy Vulcan?'

Spock held his heated gaze for a long moment until McCoy broke the silence.

'How the hell did they do that, by the way? Where'd the Romulans get that kind of weaponry?'

'The engineering comprehension necessary to artificially create a black hole may suggest an answer.' Spock reasoned.

Jim frowned at him. 'You can't be serious.' He muttered in as he understood.

'Care to explain to us lesser mortals?' McCoy grumbled.

'He's saying they tunnelled through space-time.' Jim said.

'Damn it, I'm a doctor, not a physicist.' McCoy gestured, glancing between the brothers. 'Are you actually suggesting they're from the future?'

'If you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbably, must be the truth.' Spock quoted.

'How poetic.' McCoy rolled his eyes in Jim's direction, as if to ask: _You seriously had to put up with this?_

Jim offered a small shrug in reply then turned his attention back to Spock.

Sulu frowned deeply. 'But then it doesn't matter what we do, Nero would anticipate it.'

'Nah, that's not how it works.' Jim waved a hand dismissively.

'Nero's presence has altered the flow of history.' Spock explained.

'An alternate reality?' Uhura clarified.

'Wait a second.' Jim frowned, scratching the back of his head and moving to the front of the Bridge where Spock was. 'That would mean the divergent point was… the _Kelvin_.' The hand dropped in realisation and he huffed a laugh without humour, his voice dropping to be almost inaudible. 'I can't imagine a universe where we aren't brothers.'

'Brothers?' Spock repeated, orienting them so his back was to the rest of the bridge. 'We share no blood relation. We are not brothers.'

Jim was put off guard by the force of the words. 'Spock, what the hell's wrong with you?'

'My home was just destroyed, genocide committed against my people.' Spock said coldly. 'I don't expect you to understand.'

Spock began to move away but Jim caught him by the shoulder.

'You better not be lecturing me on the merits of emotion, Spock.' Jim said, his voice dangerous. 'Because I'm not in the mood for that bull.'

'You still don't understand.' Spock said softly.

Jim straightened his shoulders and quirked one eyebrow, daring him to continue.

'Any emotion I might have held for you is a betrayal of my heritage, and the home I just lost.' Spock's voice was harsh for someone so calm. Something hard and unrelenting entered his eyes and his lips thinned. 'When I feel affection for you, brotherly love, I am ashamed.'

The last word was hissed from behind his teeth and it shocked Jim into silence.

'Sir?' Chekov asked tentatively. 'Your orders?'

Spock spun on his heel and took his place in the captain's chair. 'Plot a course for the Laurentian system, warp factor three. Uhura, prepare a communiqué for the primary fleet.'

'Wait, Spock.' Jim said, voice heavy with confusion. 'What do you think you're doing?

'By establishing contact with Starfleet we balance the terms of the next engagement.'

'Engage-' Jim broke off, furious at the Vulcan seated coolly in front of him. 'There's not going to be a next engagement! By the time we've gathered it'll be too late. Did you _see_ what he did to the secondary fleet? They were totally destroyed in the two minutes it took for us to warp there. Why do you think the primary fleet would be any different?'

'The orders given by Captain Pike-' Spock began.

'He also ordered us to go back for him.' Jim pointed out with a wildly gesturing hand. 'Spock, you supposed to be _captain_ now! The safety of this ship is your responsibility.'

'Are you undermining my authority?' Spock challenged.

'I'm questioning the logic of your decision.' Jim shot back.

'And what do you suggest, James?'

There was a stretched moment of silence on the Bridge until Jim broke eye contact and spoke to the other officers. 'What we need to do is catch up to that ship, disable it, take it over and get Pike back.'

'That is impossible.' Spock said simply.

'Nero's ship would have to drop out of warp for us to overtake him.' Chekov pointed out.

'What about assigning engineering crews to boost our warp yield?' Jim suggested.

'The remaining power and crew are being used to repair radiation leaks on the lower decks-'

'Okay! All right!'

'-and damage to subspace communications, without which we cannot contact Starfleet.' Spock finished.

'Well, there's got to be some way!' Jim urged.

'To what end?' Spock demanded, turning to face him. Jim hesitated for a moment so he continued. 'What purpose is there in staging a hopeless rescue mission?'

'Pike will know what to do.' Jim said with absolute confidence.

'Once more, you undermine my authority.' Spock said tersely. 'Regardless, Captain Pike has been taken captive on a ship technologically superior to ours in every way and is likely being tortured for information. As the Federation does not negotiate with war criminals, I am considering Captain Pike's death as an acceptable loss.'

'Don't you even dare!' Jim spat, burning with anger. Spock's calm demeanour made him clench a fist tightly.

He swung a furious punch that Spock dodged easily.

'Jim!' McCoy exclaimed at the insubordination.

Jim ignored him. 'Pike is more of a father to me than that pointy-eared bastard ever was.' He hissed.

'You are out of line, cadet.' Spock warned quietly.

'You're sending this crew into a suicide mission.' Jim shot back. 'My family is on this ship, everything I have. I am _not_ going to lose two families to this madman!'

'Your secondary option is inadequate.' Spock said. 'If there was another course of action, it would be considered. As there is none, we will proceed with Captain Pike's orders to rendezvous with the primary fleet and face Nero with the firepower we require.'

'So Earth is just another casualty, right? Just another "acceptable loss"? I can't believe you-' Jim cut himself off and stared incomprehensively at his brother. 'You know.'

Spock placed distance between them by seating himself in the Captain's chair.

'You know its suicide and you don't even care! You bastard!' Jim spat.

'My birth was well within the confines of marriage.' Spock said coolly. 'If anything, yours was the questionable birth.'

'I'm not letting you.' Jim said through gritted teeth. 'Spock, listen to me. Revenge isn't worth the suicide!'

'Calm yourself, James.'

'The hell I will!' Jim exclaimed. 'Screw the protocol and orders, Spock! Do what is right for once!'

Something changed just below the surface of Spock's face, like he had just achieved a victory.

'That is the third act of insubordination. Security.' Spock stood and nodded to the ever-present security, who stepped forward to grab Jim's arms.

'Escort Cadet Kirk to the brig.' He instructed. 'If he resists, further action will be taken.'

'Spock, what the hell are you doing?' Jim demanded as security moved him towards the exit. 'Spock!'

Jim struggled for a moment and broke free of their grip. One reached for him, but Jim was already in attack stance. He grabbed the other man's wrist, twisting it and knocking him to the floor easily.

'I took a lot of classes on using your opponent's strength against them.' Jim growled at Spock. 'Guess they were worthwhile.'

'Cadet Kirk. These mutinous actions will not be tolerated.' Spock said.

'I will not let you run a suicide mission on the off-chance you might destroy Nero!' Jim yelled.

Spock stepped forward and Jim lunged. Blows aimed for the head were easily blocked by Spock's forearms, until Jim shifted his weight and propelled the half-Vulcan away from him. Spock countered every move easily, fighting with well-practiced moves from long ago. McCoy tried to intervene, but was knocked to the side.

'I'm not going to let you.' Jim muttered urgently, gripping Spock's shoulder and forearm, putting pressure on the joint.

'You don't have a choice.' Spock said softly. He twisted in Jim's hold and then his hand was at his brother's neck. 'I'm sorry, Jim.'

'No.' Jim breathed weakly. Spock applied pressure.

Fire spread across Jim's nerves, numbness quickly following after it. His back arched under the pinch and instantly, the fire spread up his spine and his mind sunk into blackness.

Jim slumped forward, his legs giving out underneath him as he gave in to unconsciousness. Spock caught him as he fell, sliding an arm around his shoulders and knees and picking him up easily.

'Good God, man!' McCoy exclaimed, rushing forward. He opened Jim's eyelids with a thumb to check the pupils were responsive.

'Record this incident in the ship's log.' Spock instructed, carrying Jim's limp form carefully against his chest. 'Prepare an escape pod.'

'You can't abandon him.' McCoy hissed, following after him.

'Mr Chekov, Mr Sulu, continue on course for the Laurentian system.' Spock ordered, walking briskly into the hallway and towards the pods.

'Landing him on some God-forsaken rock isn't going to keep him safe.' McCoy pointed out.

'Mister Kirk is being marooned for mutiny.' Spock corrected.

McCoy's eyebrow twitched angrily. 'Huh. I guess Vulcans do lie after all.'

'Return to Sickbay, Doctor, there are patients that require your care.' Spock advised.

Seething with anger, McCoy had no option but to comply, forced back into duty by orders and conscience.

The escape pod's hatch was open and Spock gently laid Jim inside it. He cradled his brother's head carefully, long fingers holding his limp neck and skull as he placed him down.

'Forgive me.' Spock implored the unconscious man.

Receiving no reaction, Spock pressed a hand into his side, then to Jim's chest.

'My heart to your heart.'

Spock bent forward and pressed a kiss to Jim's forehead. 'Be safe.' He murmured into the blond hairline.

The escape pod was jettisoned from the _Enterprise_, soaring into the atmosphere of Delta Vega.

* * *

**_Big scene covered in this one. Poor brothers, Spock manipulating Jim to force him into mutiny... He'll do anything to keep his little brother safe. There were some seriously vicious stabs in this chapter. He knows exactly what to say that has the worst impact. I had to mess with the format of the original scene a lot, hope it still makes sense! I thought this flowed a little easier from topic to topic._**

**__****_Neither really pulled any punches when they were insulting each other. Kinda made it sad to write, but Spock's little emotional weakness at the very end made it a little better. No flashback in this one, I thought this scene needed the length and solidarity to give it the justice it deserves. Apologies again for the time gaps between chapters, but they're to be expected._**

**__****_So who's looking forward to the next little bit?_**

**_Please review and tell me what you think! Comments, criticisms, questions and suggestions are all wonderful!_**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

Jim came around groggily, mind already swearing before he could feel his toes. He tapped the screen near his face and unwound the bandage on his hand, groaning at the movement.

'Computer, where am I?'

'Location: Delta Vega. Class M planet. Unsafe. There is a Starfleet outpost fourteen kilometres to the northwest. Remain in your pod.'

Jim thumped his head backwards angrily. 'Son of a _bitch_.' He hissed, not even bothering with the implications of the statement.

After a little struggling, Jim kicked the pod lid open, grabbed the wrapped up coat and slung it over his shoulder. Ice burned against his bare hands as he climbed up the crater formed by the landing. The cold settled deep into his bones the instant he stepped into the freezing wind.

'Fourteen kilometres to the northwest…' Jim muttered, tugging on the massive coat and finding the communicator. He activated the compass setting and orientated himself in the right direction. Looking up, he saw the harsh wind carrying a snow storm where he had to go.

'Yeah, that'd be about right.' He grumbled, securing the coat around himself and beginning a log in the recording device.

'Stardate twenty-two fifty-eight point four two, four uh, four whatever.'

* * *

'_We're brothers, right?'_

_They were lying on Spock's bedroom floor, watching the two star systems rotate overhead. At eight years old, Jim had smashed the delicate mechanisms of the Earth's model and after hours of meticulous work, they had repaired it together. The two were watching their handiwork when Jim asked the question, in a small and uncertain voice._

'_Are we brothers?' Jim asked again, even less confident._

_Spock turned his head to look at the boy beside him. Jim's ear was still bandaged and there was something akin to fear in his eyes._

'_Of course we are.' Spock answered immediately._

'_Brothers stick together, right?' Jim asked. 'I mean, you're not gonna leave me, are you?'_

'_Jim.' Spock said. There was sincerity in his voice that made the younger boy pause. 'We will always be brothers. I will never leave you.'_

_

* * *

_

'Acting Captain Spock has marooned me on Delta Vega. He's leading the _Enterprise_ on a suicide mission against Nero. I don't know how to stop him, but he'll die if I don't. I can't let that happen.'

Jim practically had to yell over the increasing wind, snow stinging at his skin. While Jim's biology was made for the varied conditions of Earth, but he was accustomed to the arid desert of Vulcan, so the cold chilled him to the core.

'Vulcan is destroyed. I'm guessing about 10,000 Vulcans survived. Does... does that make them endangered? It feels unreal, like...'

Jim trailed off, his eyes drawn to movement hidden in the snow storm. A dark shape was lumbering towards him, ungainly paws beating at the frozen ground. Jim stared in fascination for a moment before he registered the gaping jaw and sharp teeth.

He turned and ran, boots skidding on the snow and the animal picked up speed.

The chase began.

* * *

_Spock was meditating for an hour before he noticed that the house was unusually quiet. At fourteen years of age, regular meditation was vital to achieving mastery over his emotions. His mind was unsettled during that hour, and it wasn't until he opened his eyes and listened carefully that he realised the reason._

_The usual noises from the bedroom next door had long since ceased, the humming and occasional explosion from Jim's flight simulator giving way to silence._

_Curious, Spock stood smoothly and strode from his room._

'_Jim?' Spock called through his brother's door. There was no answer so he keyed the door to open._

_The room beyond was empty and it heightened Spock's anxiety._

'_Jim!'_

_He strode through the entire house, calling Jim's name and checking every room. His brother was no where to be found._

'_Computer: Locate Jim.' Spock instructed, activating the comm._

'_James Kirk is not present in the house.' The computer replied._

_Real panic seized Spock's heart in a powerful grip, constricting his breathing. He was outside in an instant, bellowing Jim's name into the harsh wind._

_Fine sand stung Spock's skin and he closed his hazy inner eyelid as protection._

'_Jimmy!' Spock called, scanning the entire landscape for his twelve year old brother. Movement caught his eye from the rocky slope to the side; a brief flash of blond he knew instinctively was Jim._

_Spock followed, climbing hurriedly up the mountain separating their home from the wilderness. The strong wind died somewhat as he made his way around the mountain, hidden from its force by the rocky slopes. Spock eventually came to a large ledge, strong rock creating a flat surface wide enough for several people stand on._

_Jim stood at the edge, arms outstretched and eyes closed, wind ruffling his blond hair. He wasn't wearing the loose meditation pants and open-necked shirt usually worn in their home, but the strong and sturdy clothing he wore when rock-climbing. The cargo jacket was open and flapped backwards slightly in the wind, like wings twitching in anticipation._

_Jim knew his brother was there even with his eyes closed._

'_If I jumped from here, do you think I would fly?' he asked, head tilted back as if to invite the wind to carry him._

'_Jimmy, get back from the edge.' Spock said, voice strained with worry._

_The sheer drop inches away from Jim's foot would kill a man; impact on sharp rocks would break bones._

_Jim dropped his arms and hung his head forward, opening his eyes but not moving from dangerously close to the drop._

'_You're not supposed to be here.' He said quietly, voice almost lost on the wind._

'_Jimmy, what are you doing?'_

_Jim opened his eyes and stared at the horizon. 'Kahs-wan'_

_A wave of pity and sorrow surged unexpectedly through Spock's gut. Kahs-wan, an Ancient Vulcan ritual, involved a pre-teen Vulcan surviving in Vulcan's Forge for ten days without food or equipment. It was dangerous and often forgone in the interest of safety. Too many children didn't survive._

'_Jimmy… no…' Spock said softly._

'_Why not?' Jim challenged. 'You did it!'_

'_And I-Chaya died because of it.' Spock reminded him. I-Chaya was the only pet the brothers had owned, a sehlat Sarek had owned as a boy. The creature was a great furred beast with two large fangs protruding from its upper jaw, similar to the sabre-toothed tiger that was extinct on Earth. Despite I-Chaya's fierce appearance, the tame sehlat had often completed the trio of troublemakers while they were growing up, until Spock was eleven years old. _

_At eleven, Spock was beginning preparations to complete his own Kahs-wan. In his arrogance, a trait he no-doubt learnt from his younger brother, Spock had convinced himself that he was able to complete the ritual, even without reaching the proper age. He had snuck from the house, leaving his slumbering family but unable to escape I-Chaya's watchful eyes. He had allowed the great creature to accompany him, but his arrogance came at a terrible cost. Spock was attacked by a feral creature in Vulcan's Forge, barely a day into his trial, and I-Chaya threw himself in front of the attacker, taking each blow on his own body. Within seconds, the vicious fight was over. The creature ran, bleeding dark green in copious amounts across the desert floor, while I-Chaya gasped for a few stretched moments before he passed._

'_I've got no place, Spock. I don't belong here, or on Earth. If I can just survive the ten days, I can prove that I'm worth it.'_

'_You are worth the universe.' Spock said. 'Now, _please_, step back from the edge.'_

'_I can do this, Spock. You just gotta let me.' Jim insisted._

_Spock opened his mouth to respond, but a low growl resonated across the small space. A sehlat, larger and stronger than I-Chaya was, hunched on the mountain above them._

_It dropped onto the ledge with a thud, dirt dislodging and shuddering around it. Its dark beady eyes focused on Jim, attracted to the gold of his hair in a desert of red. The great beast's fur grizzled, vicious fangs sharp in the afternoon light._

'_Jim.' Spock whispered. 'Get behind me. Slowly.'_

_Jim nodded with a few jerky movements of his head and gently lifted one booted foot. He edged carefully towards his brother, backing away from the beast slowly._

_Heavy paws beating against the ground like a bull was the only warning._

_The sehlat charged, jaws splitting open in a roar as it thundered towards Jim. Without thinking twice, Spock lunged forward, knocking his brother to the ground behind him. The wild sehlat growled low in its throat, annoyed a the barrier between itself and its prey._

_Both the prey and the barrier looked young, still cubs. Their meat would be stringy and tough, pulling away from the bone in strips. The sehlat salivated at the mere thought. A single drop of clear liquid ran the length of one of the two long fangs that hung on display at all times, a show of the beast's power._

_The sehlat pounced on the barrier, the dark cub. Its jaws snapped close to the dark one's neck, but it was held back by deceptively strong hands. The smaller, yellow cub shouted something strange and sharp to the sehlat's sensitive ears._

'_Spock!'_

_The half-Vulcan's arms trembled under the strain of holding back the feral creature, sharp fangs flashing dangerously._

'_Run, Jim.' Spock grunted to his brother. Jim didn't move from his position on the ground as Spock wrestled with the sehlat._

_Spock sharply brought his knee up and the creature gave a high-pitched whine that turned into a viscous snarl. The sehlat brought its head down to Spock's side._

_The fang gored through Spock's flesh, ripping skin and muscles with a sickening crack of a breaking rib. Blood flooded the sehlat's mouth, warm and delicious._

_Spock screamed in agony, the noise reverberating off the rocky mountain. With a desperate cry, Spock grabbed tuffs of mangy fur and bucked. The disoriented creature was tossed over Spock's head and landed on its back with a heavy thud. It scrambled to try and regain footing but two hands grabbed it._

_Fuelled by rage and hysteria, Jim shoved with more strength than he knew he had. The sehlat was pushed towards the cliff edge and tumbled straight off. It screamed an inhuman screech as it fell, faster and faster. Legs battered uselessly against the air rushing past it. It landed on sharp rocks, bones breaking from the impact and finally stilled._

_Jim panted heavily on the ledge above, shaking from the adrenaline rush. He turned around and saw his brother, gasping a limp on the ground._

_Spock drew a raggad breath, fingers weakly twitching. The wound in his side was ugly, rough and bleeding green profusely. The gash was dangerously close to his heart, and blood was lost in pulses, staining his clothes, skin and the ground._

'_Spock! Spock, come on, you gotta get up.' Jim pulled gently at his brother's arm. Spock only blinked rapidly at him, trying to focus his eyes. Jim tugged off his cargo jacket and pressed it to Spock's gut, dampening quickly with blood._

'_Go get help.' Spock grunted out, his usually impassive face scrunched in pain and anguish and desperation._

'_I can't leave you!' Jim exclaimed._

'_Jimmy.' Spock's hand gripped Jim's arm with frighteningly strong fingers. Streaks of blood were left on the human's skin._

'_Get help.'_

_Jim nodded jerkily and squeezed the hand on his arm. 'Don't go anywhere.'_

_Spock barked something that could have been a laugh or a grunt of pain._

_Jim peeled the hand from his arm and placed it on the jacket pressed against the wound. He stood on shakily legs and sprinted across the ledge, jumping from rock to rock down the mountain._

_Spock green onto the red dust._

_With his brother in pain, Jim flew._

_

* * *

_

A long tongue shot out from the monster and wrapped around Jim's legs, pulling him to the ground. Jim fell onto hard ice inside the cave, the red creature's spines twitching as it drew its prey towards itself.

A figure, brandishing a flaming torch, stepped between them and the creature recoiled. The figure waved the fire back and forth, frightening the monster to release Jim's legs and withdraw. The monster scrambled back through the entrance, hissing at the figure that chased it.

'Thanks.' Jim huffed, propping himself up on his elbows as the figure turned around.

It was a Vulcan, ears pointed to a tip in a way that was still more familiar to Jim than the rounded human counterpart. Wispy silver hair was in the same haircut Jim had teased Spock about for years. The weathered and aged face was creased with criss-crossing lines, far more than what was usual. The dark eyes sparkled with an unrecognizable emotion, stronger than he'd seen on any full-blooded Vulcan.

'James T. Kirk.' The Vulcan said, familiarity lining every letter.

It wasn't the first time Vulcan Elder had spoken his full name, as if it was a demeaning thing to be called by a name in its entirety. Jim had always been secretly proud of his full name, it was the only link he had to his family. This Vulcan didn't say Jim's name with the same superior air, but with a strange sense of relief.

'Thanks, sir.' Jim got to his feet, dusting snow from his clothes.

'How did you find me?' the Vulcan asked.

The nonsensical question pulled Jim up short. There was no reason a Vulcan Elder would have expected rescue, until he realised he was wearing a Starfleet uniform undershirt. But that didn't explain why he called him by name.

Jim frowned warily. 'Do I know you?'

The Vulcan's face creased into deeper lines, wrinkles folded into skin from years of expressing emotion, the likes of which had never been seen on a Vulcan before.

'I am Spock.'

Any semblance of curiosity or confusion vanished from Jim. Anger and fury burned in his throat and his gut. When he yelled, his voice reverberated in the ice cavern.

'Bullshit!

* * *

**_I'm really sorry guys. I planned to get this chapter up before mock exams, but then mock exams happened._**

**_I chose to set this scene mainly in the past, since writing chase scenes you've all seen the Delta Vega monsters. So it is revealed that not all of Spock and Jim's childhood was cute and fluffy. What is the aftermath of the selhat attack? Also, I stole I-Chaya from canon-ish, anybody like his appearance? / want to see more of him? The attempted Kahs-wan is sort of my take on the "Jim drives a car off a cliff" scene. Better? Worse?_**

**_(Also, Spock used to call Jim "Jimmy" Tee hee. Like it? Hate it?)_**

**_Finally, Jim and Spock Prime meet, and just like everything in this story, it's similar but different at the same time. Any ideas where it's going to go?_**

**_Thanks again to she-elf who pushes me along to post every chapter at just the right moment. (Maybe even 3 times to get this chapter up)_**

**_Please please review! I hope people are still reading after so long! Tell me what you think! _**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

_Jim awoke to strained coughing coming from Spock's room, and curled into himself in his bed, mimicking the ball of guilt tightening in his gut. The coughing became choked and Jim jolted up, jumping out of his bed and creeping through the shared bathroom that joined their bedrooms._

'_Spock?' he whispered into the dark bedroom._

_It had been two weeks since Jim's attempted Kahs-wan left Spock bleeding green into Vulcan's red sand, side opened under the sehlat's vicious teeth, and one week since the Healers had allowed Spock to return home with strict instructions of bed rest and to remain in healing trances._

_However, as a fourteen year old, Spock hadn't yet mastered the art of entering deep healing trances, and constantly resurfaced without achieving the healing his body needed. The recovery process was long and painful… and likely to never be complete._

_At another coughing burst, Jim snatched a white towel from the bathroom and entered Spock's room._

'_Lights, 10 percent.' He instructed, hurrying to Spock's bunk and crouching on the bed. The soft glow illuminated Spock's white face contorted in pain, green flecks of blood dotting his lip and chin._

_The guilt tightened in Jim's gut and he pressed the towel near his brother's mouth. 'Here, cough.' He offered._

_Spock turned his head into the towel and heaved, coughing green blood into the towel, shoulders shuddering under the force. Jim winced, wiping away any stray droplets and waiting until Spock had dispelled the rest. Once Spock's breathing had settled, Jim got up and left the bloodied towel in the sonic shower, before grabbing another and using precious water to warm and dampen it._

'_J-Jimmy?' Spock croaked._

'_I'm here, Spock.' Jim reassured him, filling a tall glass with water and bringing both through to Spock's bedside._

'_Drink this.' Jim suggested, bringing the glass to Spock's lips. He only managed a small sip before spluttering again. 'It's okay, it's okay…'_

'_What time is it?' Spock asked groggily._

_Jim snuck a look at the chronometer. '0230.' He grinned down at his sweating, feverish brother. 'Hey, that's almost 2 hours solid in a trance. You're getting better.'_

_Spock shrugged, which evidently placed pressure in all the wrong places and he gasped in pain. Jim immediately stood and snatched the blanket away, gently peeling back Spock's bed shirt so he could see the ugly would on Spock's side._

_Dark green patches spread in horrible discolouration across Spock's side, raised scars of sensitive flesh held together by stitches could still be seen under the white bandage._

'_Doesn't look like you tore anything…' Jim muttered._

'_Hurts…' Spock grunted._

_Jim gently lowered the shirt and replaced the blanket, ensuring it was tucked in around him. He dabbed the warm towel across Spock's feverish skin and wiped it carefully against one pointed ear._

_Spock looked up at his younger brother as Jim cared for him, completely focused on his task. 'Thank you, Jim.' He murmured as Jim brought the glass to his lips again._

_Jim frowned at him. 'I'm the one who got you into this mess. It's my fault, I'm sorry.'_

_Another small movement and Spock winced, restraining from showing any pain. Jim brushed back the black hair and stared at him._

'_You need to get better, Spock.' He whispered. 'I need you to get better.' The moment passed in the dimness of the room and Jim grinned. 'Besides, your hair is looking really dorky from all this lying around.'_

_Spock almost smiled. 'Even more than it usually is?'_

_Jim shot him a look. 'Dude. Have you seen your hair normally? Nothing can beat that.'_

'_Whatever, Jimmy.' Spock sighed, settling down. 'I'll kick your ass when I get out of this bed.'_

'_All this sleeping has made you go senile, old man.' Jim shot back at the fourteen year old. 'You're going to have to get up to prove it.'_

_Pain shot through Spock's gut as he gave a small huff of laughter. 'Maybe not tonight, Jimmy.'_

'_Yeah,' Jim nodded, 'you need all the beauty sleep you can get.'_

_He folded the towel and tucked it under his arm, leaving the glass of water by Spock's bedside._

'_You're getting better at your healing trances.' Jim commented. 'You're going to be a pro when this is all finished.'_

_Spock nodded as he closed his eyes, regulating his breathing._

'_Make it a good one this time.' Jim suggested. 'The whole two hours.'_

'_I will try.' Spock assured him._

_At the door to the bathroom, Jim dialled down the lights to zero._

'_See you at 0430.' Jim promised._

* * *

In all his many years and wondrous experiences, Spock is no longer shocked by what life throws at him. Surprised, yes, but never shocked.

To see his closest friend whom he had mourned his passing many years ago, standing young and strong in a small cave on an unknown planet caused his mask to slip momentarily. There was no recognition in that young face –younger than Spock had ever seen –only anger and disgust.

'I don't know what the hell you're doing, but you better cut the crap. Right now.' Jim commanded. The fierceness of his voice matched the fire in his eyes, completely consuming.

The strong emotion behind the words was surprising given the circumstances and was off-putting.

'Jim.' Spock began.

Jim clicked his fingers, the resulting snap surprisingly loud in the cavern. Then he pressed two fingers to his temple and twisted them sharply, glaring and Spock expectantly.

Spock wasn't sure what was required of him, so he continued. 'I know this must be difficult, Jim, but I _am_ Spock.'

Whatever unspoken test Jim had just demanded, Spock had obviously failed. The soon-to-be Captain glared at him threateningly.

'If you were really him, you'd know what that meant.' Jim stated, hackles raised as if this information was all the proof he needed against Spock's word and reasoning enough to start a fight. 'Get the hell away from me. I don't know you.'

Spock's crippled emotional barriers finally bucked. Grief, frustration, pain, longing, desperation, loneliness, all washed over him in powerful waves. The loss of his people, his world, his entire universe and any familiarity gutted Spock. He raised a weathered hand and covered his mouth, holding in a dry sob that threatened to wrench free. He needed to grieve for the two planets he had seen destroyed this day, needed to feel, to reach out, to seek refuge in a familiar presence.

The cold permeated his entire body and there was no solace from the pain. The young man in front of him, still just a boy in many ways, was wary and defensive and didn't carry any semblance of his Captain he sought.

Spock pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration of his circumstances and glared at the snowy ground.

Still guarded and no less hostile, Jim frowned at him over a clenched fist. 'What's wrong with you?' he accused.

Spock choked something that may have been a laugh or a sigh. 'It has been… a very long day.'

Jim's face shifted into an expression that Spock had seen hundreds of times before, staring at the view screen or a troubling PADD with orders for a risky mission. It was his unconditional kindness and desire to help warring with any number of things, protocol, loyalty and above all, the need to protect those loyal to him –his friends, his crew, his family.

'I don't know what you're trying to do, but you're Vulcan, clear as day.' Jim allowed. His eyes flicked around the ice cavern and rested on the still-burning torch in Spock's hand.

'You're gonna freeze if we don't get a proper fire going.'

* * *

Jim didn't let his guard down around the stranger for a second. There was no conceivable, no logical, reason for a Vulcan Elder to claim to be his brother, let alone become emotional like that. Jim could count on one had the number of times he'd seen a full-blooded Vulcan be visibly emotional. Not even seeing his wife unconscious could cause Sarek to twitch.

While tending to the fire, Jim paused to consider other reasons for this stranger's behaviour. A careful examination proved the old man wasn't Romulan. Apart from the slight observable biological differences, the cut and style of the jacket he was wearing echoed of Vulcan. Using the lessons in linguistics he'd received from Amanda over the years, Jim knew his accent was an unusual blend, a Vulcan who had lived many years among humans, most likely humans with various dialects, the most prominent being a light mid-western cadence. The same impact had influenced Spock's inflection since Jim adapted the accent of George and Winona Kirk. The thought drew an unwilling connection and similarity between his brother Spock and this Vulcan seated on a block of ice on the other side of the fire.

Jim broke a stick on his knee and tossed it into the slow-burning fire. 'I don't understand you.' he frowned at the Vulcan. 'I've been around Vulcans my whole life; I've never seen anyone show that much emotion.'

'It is remarkably good to see you again, old friend.' The Vulcan confessed. Jim jerked his head at the honorific. 'Especially after the events of today.'

Jim raised himself to his feet. 'What did you just call me?'

'Jim.' His voice was low and earnest. 'You have been and always shall be my friend.'

'Friend?' Jim echoed.

The Vulcan nodded solemnly. 'We have much to talk about.'

Jim grudgingly sat down, carefully keeping the fire and distance between them. 'Look even if you are him, I'm pretty pissed at you anyway.' He placed a hand on the back of his neck and rubbed firmly. 'We're not exactly on speaking terms at the moment. Haven't been for a few years now.'

'Jim, we must-'

'Who the hell do you think you are?' Jim questioned angrily. 'You don't get to call me that, you don't know me!'

'You are James Tiberius Kirk.' The Vulcan said calmly. 'Born to George and Winona Kirk, March 22nd, 2233.'

Jim's throat tightened. 'Stop it…' he whispered.

'You have an older brother named George Samuel, whom you call Sam.' The Vulcan continued, unfazed. 'You had difficulty pronouncing his name as a child.'

Jim closed his eyes tightly, seeing the imprint of the bright fire and the other man's face on the inside of his eyelids. The stranger was referring to the wrong brother. Jim's infant mouth had trouble navigating the harsh syllables of Spock's name. For years, the older brother had been referred to as "Spot".

'You are my captain, my friend and my brother.' The Vulcan ended, a strange fondness entering his voice.

Jim gave a hysterical laugh, standing and pacing furiously. 'This is so full of shit. I'm sitting in a goddamned ice cave with an insane Vulcan Elder, while my brother chases a murderous madman across the stars on a suicide mission!'

'Nero.' The elder spoke gravely.

All of Jim's energies focussed entirely on the other man. 'You know him?' he demanded.

The Vulcan nodded sagely. 'He is a particularly troubled Romulan.'

A huffed laugh escaped Jim before he realised what this revelation meant. 'You're… you're the one he was talking about… He knew you; Nero said Spock stood apart, that you weren't… acquainted yet…' Jim froze in place, staring down at the Vulcan, his eyes finally lingering for the first time on his soulful brown eyes and seeing beneath the weathered face. His lips parted when they saw familiarity he did not expect.

Jim crouched beside him, staring intently at the other man. 'I guess… it's almost-'

'Logical?' Spock finished, an almost-smile ghosting over his features.

'I don't believe it, how is this even possible?' Jim questioned, a hand twitching that wished to feel the other man's face, smooth out the wrinkles and find his brother underneath the ancient pain.

'Through a tunnel in space-time, manifesting in the form of a lightning storm in space.'

Jim's lips twitched unwillingly. 'You came on the Narada? With Nero?'

'Not precisely.' Spock answered.

'Spock, this guy killed my parents, he's the reason Mom might die. I gotta know everything so we can bring him down.' Jim's lips hardened into a straight line and he stood resolutely.

Spock examined him with deep eyes that gave nothing away. 'Very well.' He said, standing and fixing his large jacket. 'Please, allow me, it will be easier.' Spock lifted his hand, fingers curved in an odd formation, reaching for Jim.

'Whoah, whoah, what are you doing?' Jim demanded, batting away his arm and taking steps backward.

'Our minds.' Spock recited. 'One and together.'

'Yeah, I got that, genius.' Jim snapped. Spock approached again and Jim sidestepped him, dodging the outstretched hand. 'Hey! We've talked about this, you stay out of my head.'

'It would be easier, Jim, and provide understanding for both our sakes.' Spock reasoned.

Jim frowned warily, but he allowed Spock to step closer. 'You go messing around in my head where I don't want you,' he warned, 'and I will kick you in the nuts so hard, my Spock will feel it on the _Enterprise_.'

The Other Spock's lips curved slightly and he nodded, agreeing to the terms. He reached out and placed a hand on Jim's face, calloused fingers chilled from the cold air finding the psi points easily.

'Our minds. One and together.' Spock intoned.

Jim rolled his eyes at the formality.

When he opened them again, stars were rushing past him.

* * *

**_Hey guys! I'm not dead!_**

**_I know, I know, it's been something like 3 full months since I updated... Remember those trials I told you about last time? Well, the real things happened, as in, the completion of all 13 years of my schooling. I've now graduated high school! Yay! So probably (hopefully) more time to write._**

**_Many thanks to she-elf, who once again pushed me along by writing no less than 6 reviews telling me to get my arse into gear. The flashback was added just for you, my dear, as you requested it! My excuse to all for having the random replies to review pop up after month is, I use my reviews as encouragement, both to study and to keep writing, so thanks to all who helped get this out!_**

**_I hope you like this chapter, I tried to make it as good as possible as a peace offering... Flashback continuing what we saw last chapter, poor lil guilty Jim taking care of poor lil sick Spock. All my brothers show they care like that, by tossing insults back and forth._**

**_And now we have had the great Jim and Spock Prime meet! Man, this was tricky to write... they both related to each other differently (once the threats had been disposed of), differently but deeply... How do you think I went? It was really hard to get the interaction feeling right..._**

**_Please review! Tell me there's people still reading this! Tell me you're not all dead! Tell me if you hated this! Tell me if you loved it! Tell me what you want to see! Tell me what you're waiting for!_**

**_Love you all!_**


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

In the infirmary aboard the _Enterprise_ Doctor McCoy hardly stopped for breath. Only able to use the secondary sickbay since the one on deck six was destroyed along with the Chief Medical Officer, Doctor Puri, the flood of patients were crammed into the small infirmary, many having to remain standing or hunched in plastic chairs.

Small moments of relief came as, one by one; the Elder Vulcan's resurfaced from their healing trances, most completely healed.

There was no change in status for Amanda Grayson however. The dramatic difference in physiology between Humans and Vulcans left little hope for the woman. It was unlikely she would ever wake up.

Sarek never left her side, and his eyes never left her still face. McCoy regarded the two with a confused eye, finding it next to impossible to imagine the stoic Vulcan and diplomatic Ambassador's wife Human raising his best friend.

Jim had hardly ever spoken of his childhood, just of the last few years working as a farmhand in Iowa. McCoy had been misled to assume he had spent his whole life there. But Jim constantly lived in the present, so the lack of discussion of the past was disregarded as a preference to think of happier times than a difficult childhood.

McCoy had watched the world shake under Jim's feet as he realised his mother's condition. He had seen the anguish in his eyes and reminded him of the first time Jim took the Kobyashi Maru.

Running a tricorder over an officer from engineering with radiation burns, McCoy surveyed the damage around his –_his_, damn it –sickbay. In half an hour, he'd gone from cadet to CMO of Starfleet's prized ship, dealing with over a dozen species in an crisis and wondering what the hell had happened with his best friend and the Vulcan Spock.

He tugged a tray closer and began loading up a specific hypospray. His heart clenched at the thought of Jim stranded on that ice planet, unable to help, marooned there by his brother's poorly executed sense of loyalty.

* * *

_Contrary to popular belief, Leonard McCoy and Jim Kirk did not room together at Starfleet Academy. At least, not at first._

_Being recruited after over a decade of medical practice and classed as a mature-aged student, McCoy was granted housing off Starfleet's campus in return for work in 'Fleet's hospital and training the interns._

_Jim, however, was more highly educated than any of the other cadets in first year Command track. He had high connections with Captain Pike, he was the child of the legendary George and Winona, and had not-so-subtle influences of Ambassador Sarek and former communications officer Amanda Grayson. So Jim was given a private room in one of the more luxurious wings of the dorm rooms. He was told it was built for the more "high profile" students, but Jim was sure the rooms were really for graduates or professors._

_He didn't like it. Jim's room was airy and luxurious, with a large wooden desk and large windows that had a view of the city, nothing like his small comfortable bedroom on Vulcan, that was never really his as long as the rest of his family kept walking in and out. His entire life, Jim rarely slept little more than a few steps away from someone else. On Vulcan, only a bathroom separated him from Spock, and since he arrived on Earth, he slept close to other farmhands or in the bed of a willing woman he met at a bar. He didn't like his dorm._

_Jim Kirk took every opportunity to leave campus. He skipped classes he didn't need (First years learnt less at Interplanetary Political Science than Jim did at one dinner table argument between Sarek and Amanda) and explored the city, tinkered with one of the bikes at the auto shop or –Jim's personal favourite – crashed on the sofa in McCoy's apartment._

_To this day, McCoy has no idea why Jim befriended him. He was cantankerous, irritable, had a temper short as a cut wick on a stick of dynamite and just as explosive. Fresh from divorce and drinking himself asleep too often to count, he wasn't exactly best friend material for the first year of the Academy. But still, nothing lit up Jim's face more than to see Bones grouching at an idiot patient or letting every quick-lived emotion show on his face._

_So McCoy and Jim did not room together at Starfleet Academy, at least, not officially._

_The first item of Jim's to take up residency at McCoy's two-bedroom flat near the Academy was a toothbrush._

_–'your breath smells like vomit,' McCoy had slurred as they drunkenly stumbled up the stairs, leaning against the wall and each other for support.-_

_The second item was a second cadet uniform. _

_-'It's either this or turning up for class in boxers or puke covered pants.' Jim had stated, stuffing the red clothing into the closet._

'_Wouldn't be the first time,' McCoy grunted.-_

_The third was study._

_-'You're gonna do your neck in, you keep studying like that.' McCoy grumbled, taking two cans of beer from the kitchen to the dinner table where Jim had set up camp, hunched over a bunch of PADDs.-_

_And on it went, until half the clutter in the apartment belonged to Jim, until Jim left the luxurious apartment to a genius kid who was getting teased in his own dorms, until Jim slept soundly in McCoy's spare bedroom every night._

* * *

_McCoy didn't need to take the Kobyashi Maru, one of the many advantages of Medical over Command track –there were many long arguments over re-heated Chinese food on who had the better course, often degenerating into petty debates on which pretty young cadet looked better in gold or blue._

_So when Jim asked him to be on his simulation bridge during the infamous test, McCoy easily agreed._

_He gave Jim hell for having to wear the ridiculous blue sim-suits, and Jim responded by calling him yeoman. All fairly standard._

_Until he was sitting in the mock-bridge at the weapons station, monitoring systems as the Kobyashi Maru began._

'_Distress signal from the USS Kobyashi Maru, Captain.' A fellow cadet reported. 'The ship has lost power and is stranded. We're receiving orders from Starfleet Command to rescue them.'_

'_Helmsman, do a sweep of the area, make sure there are no surprises.' Jim commanded. Most others wouldn't notice it, but McCoy could sense the strain in his voice. Jim was tense, nervous. He really wanted to pass._

_A klaxon sounded and data began displaying on McCoy's station. 'Two Klingon vessels have entered the Neutral Zone and are locking weapons on us.'_

'_Give me fifty percent reverse thrusters; manoeuvre us into position for Mark IV evasive action.' Jim commanded._

_The pilot did so, and on the view screen, the Klingon ships orientated themselves, preparing. McCoy's station beeped. He swore inwardly._

'_Three more Klingong warbirds decloaking and targeting our ship.'_

Great. Just perfect. Just what Jim needed. _McCoy thought bitterly. With only two ships, Jim had the situation under control. Competent, calm and rational. Jim knew they couldn't take on two vessels, so he'd adopted a suitable tactical move. But with five warbirds –an unheard of number –any action was doomed for failure._

'_T-take us to-' Jim's voice wavered once, and that was all the warning McCoy got._

_He glanced over his shoulder at the captain's chair. Jim was leaning forward, white-knuckle gripping the armrests, his face ashen._

'_Jim?' McCoy asked, spinning his chair around to face his best friend._

'_There's… there's nothing I-' Blinking furiously and face draining white, Jim slumped forward._

'_Jim!' McCoy yelled, leaping from his seat and rushing to Jim's side. 'Stop the simulation!'_

'_But, the test…' a young cadet began._

_McCoy rounded on him. 'End it.' He ordered, his voice low and dangerous._

_The lights flickered as the terminal screens went blank and McCoy slung his arm around Jim, supporting him._

'_What happened?' McCoy asked quietly._

'_I can't… I can't…' Jim whispered. His eyes darted to the empty view screen and the weapons officer's chair, then gazed unfocused at McCoy's face. 'I can't crash the ship.'_

_Jim broke out in a sweat, convulsing and collapsing to the floor. He squeezed his eyes shut, his face twisting into a grimace. A deep groan of pain ripped from his throat and he began shivering._

'_He's having a seizure.' McCoy muttered. He turned to the small crowd of cadets who were watching mutely. 'Get me a medkit, now!'_

_Jim tightened his grip on McCoy's shoulder and rolled over, heaving violently. Vomit splattered onto McCoy's blue jumpsuit as Jim emptied his guts. McCoy had been covered in worse as a surgeon, and didn't hesitate to offer his sleeve for Jim to wipe his mouth on and spit again._

'_Jim, what the hell's wrong with you?' McCoy asked, but Jim had already closed his eyes and let out a pitiful whine. 'I'm taking you to the Hospital wing.'_

'_No!' Jim groaned. 'I'm fine, just take me back to the apartment.'_

'_Yeah, you're not Captain yet.' McCoy muttered, hefting Jim until he was half-standing, half-leaning on McCoy for support. 'Even when you are, I'll still be the one giving you orders.'_

_Jim shuddered deeply, looking deathly white in the harsh lights of the sim room. Together, they stumbled out the "turbo-lift" which opened onto a quiet hallway. 'You going to tell me what that was all about?' McCoy asked quietly._

_Shaking his head, Jim pulled away from his best friend, leaning his back against the wall and sliding down until he sprawled on the ground. McCoy crouched down in front of him, watching every movement._

_Jim broke down into sobs, clutching McCoy's shoulder as hot wet tears tracked down his cheeks. 'All a Captain does is get people killed.' He choked out._

_McCoy felt his heart clench. 'Jim…'_

'_I can't do it, I wont.' The mess of a cadet cried. 'I won't become my father.'_

_The doctor tucked his best friend close. 'Jim, your father was a great man. A hero.' McCoy said gently._

_Feeling lost and childish, Jim continued sobbing uncontrollably. If Spock was anywhere nearby, Jim would have felt deeply ashamed at his over expression of emotion, but in the deserted hallway, it was only Jim and Bones._

'_It was how he died.' Jim squeezed his eyes shut. 'I got scared and realised… that was how my father felt before he died.'_

_McCoy closed his eyes as well at the pain in his friend's voice. 'He'd be proud of you, Jim.'_

'_You didn't know him, Bones.' Jim spat back._

'_Don't need to.'_

_So Jim and Bones curled in on each other, smelling of vomit and salty tears. For the first time in his life, Jim broke down completely, and for the first time, Spock wasn't there for him. But McCoy was._

* * *

_The three hour surgery that was last on McCoy's schedule somehow changed into a two hour exploratory surgery and another two hours taking emergency steps. Wrung out and exhausted, McCoy stumbled up the stairs to the apartment at three in the morning and silently unlocked the door._

_Bright lights still flooded the apartment and McCoy jolted, throwing a hand up to shield his tired eyes._

'_Jim, what're you doing?' he grumbled, dumping his pack at the door and trudging inside. 'It's three a.m.'_

_Jim was hunched over at his customary spot, tapping furiously at a PADD as he checked it against others spread around him._

'_I'm taking the test again.'_

_McCoy did a double take. 'You gotta be kidding me. Again?'_

'_Yeah. On…' Jim checked himself and shrugged. 'Well, I guess tomorrow morning now.' He pointed at McCoy across the table without breaking his typing rhythm. 'I want you there, Bones.'_

'_You know I'll be there, Jim. But you shouldn't do it.' McCoy sat down beside him. 'You went fine enough on your second go.'_

'_But I didn't pass.' Jim pointed out bitterly._

'_Jim, it's the Kobyashi Maru. No one passes the test. It's written by an anally retentive Vulcan who I'm betting as serious issues deep down inside.' McCoy was angling for a smile, and he got one, a little smirk that tugged at the corners of his mouth._

'_I've got a plan this time.' Jim assured him. 'Everything's gonna work out. I promise.'_

_McCoy put his hand on Jim's shoulder and tugged at him to face him._

'_You're my best friend, Jim, and I love you like a brother.' He said honestly. Jim got strangely happy about that statement. 'But if you drag me into whatever new scheme you're cooking up, I will medically castrate you.'_

_Jim burst out laughing, loud and happy, and a moment later, McCoy joined him._

* * *

Finishing up a minor surgery, McCoy snapped off blood soaked gloves and slid his hands into the steriliser. He didn't even have time to change out of his surgical smock before Nurse Chapel was ushering him over to determine how damaged a patient was after being exposed to a vacuum momentarily when they had dropped out of warp. A small shudder ran through him at the memory of that graveyard in space.

'Doctor McCoy?' A yeoman called out from the entrance.

'Yes? What?' McCoy snapped, tugging off the smock and tossing it towards the incinerator.

Most of the nurses on staff had already worked with him at some point at the Starfleet Hospital. They understood and tolerated his manner, unlike the young yeoman who paled instantly.

'Captain Spock wishes to speak with you on the bridge.' She reported faithfully.

McCoy fought the urge to send a suitably worded message to the Vulcan, but he was fairly sure the girl would faint on the spot, having to deliver that particular message.

'I'll be up there.' He grumbled.

The yeoman hesitated for a moment. 'He wants to see you now.'

'I'll get there in my own time.' McCoy reminded her harshly.

He gently and painlessly administered a hypospray to help the patient heal and gave the nurse direct instructions on their recovery. Washing his hands again and changing into a clean science blue uniform, McCoy steeled himself to face his best friend's surrogate brother.

* * *

**_Check it out, everyone! An update that didn't take half a year to get uploaded! Aren't you all proud of me? Also, I'm very sorry to all those people who reviewed but I didn't reply to them. I'm on holidays and the only internet available is my phone, which wasn't exactly reply-friendly. Your reviews are always greatly appreciated_**

**_Bit of a different chapter this time. I thought it was very important to visit my favourite character and see how Spock's involvement in Jim's life has changed the legendary friendship between Jim and Bones. I love McCoy, and I think his loyal devotion to his friends will definitely mean something to the two brothers._**

**_Now, lets play Readers Preference. It seems we have reached two significant moments: The Mindmeld, and the confrontation between Spock and McCoy. I thought for a while about which one to show first, but decided as my Christmas present to you, I will let you decide. Send me a review with which scene you want to see first, and the majority vote will get their scene up first._**

**_Merry Christmas everyone. Love your family, enjoy the holidays, rug up or strip down to your bikini (Australians represent!) and remember to throw me a review with your preferred scene. I'll write it while lounging on a beach, sipping a lemon lime and bitters and working on my tan. All you North Hemisphere-ers are jealous. Love you all!_**


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

_Ever since he was a boy, Spock had taken blows for his brother._

_At age thirteen, Spock purposefully attracted the attention of three older boys at school who began picking on Jim. Those encounters resulted in twenty-nine counts of late arrivals to class, fifty-five harsh words directed at Spock's family, forty-two of those referring to Spock himself and nine physical blows, all over the course of three months. In total, there were thirty-five attempts to elicit an emotional response, one of which was highly successful._

_Spock had spent those months believing that each time he endured their attention, he was protecting his little brother, saving Jim from the older Vulcan students. After the twenty-third encounter, Jim revealed that the effort had been in vain. After that, Spock was fed up with enduring the physical blows and dealt some in retaliation._

_Jim's attempted Kahs-wan resulted in serious injuries that kept Spock bed-ridden for two months, several operations required to keep his heart inside his body. All those months of recovery were worth it to see Jim unharmed, if guilt-ridden._

_Time and time again, Spock stood in front of Jim and taking everything that was aimed at him, accepting blow after blow to protect his family._

_It wasn't until Spock spoke with Doctor McCoy that he realised he had turned around and dealt some pain himself._

* * *

Space took on a strange quality during warp; the stars streaking past on the view screen looked ethereal and almost gave McCoy motion sickness just from looking at it. He forced his eyes down to the helm, not letting his aviophobia conflict with his tightly reigned in anger. At the helm, the two officers were reporting on their course.

'Warp 3, sir.' The helmsman said, the same one that had accompanied Jim to the drilling platform and McCoy had tended to a serious bruise on the Lieutenant's cheekbone.

'Course 515 Mark 3, Laurentian system.' An accented voice added.

'Thank you, gentlemen.' Spock replied.

Standing behind the Captain's chair, McCoy forced himself to unclench his tightly squeezed fist.

'You wanted to see me?'

Alerted to his presence, Spock stood and linked his hands behind his back. 'Yes, Doctor.' He inclined his head to indicate that McCoy should walk with him. 'I understand that Jim is a friend of yours. I wished to assure you that my actions, though extreme, were necessary for Jim's protection.'

McCoy released a small huff of breath. 'That's your explanation?'

'I am merely-'

'Are we done here?' McCoy interrupted. 'Am I dismissed, _Captain_?'

The frustration boiling under the surface of the Doctor's military façade evidently unsettled the acting Captain.

'I also wished to enquire about Jim's emotional and mental health over the years that you have known him.' Spock's voice was surprisingly gentle, and his eyes attentive.

Tight lipped, McCoy requested, 'Permission to speak freely, Sir.'

'I welcome it.'

McCoy smirked and took that as a personal challenge.

'I met Jim on the recruitment transporter in Riverside. Been with him ever since.' McCoy began. 'He's my best friend and the closest thing I've got to family. And you just sent him to an ice bucket.'

Spock merely blinked at the statement and rage boiled over inside McCoy. He wanted, more than anything, to shatter that cool Vulcan exterior and make him realise how disastrous his decision was.

'Are you out of your Vulcan mind?' McCoy snapped, outraged. 'What the hell were you thinking, sending Jim away?'

'I was protecting this ship and Starfleet's best interests, Doctor.' Spock answered coolly.

'Really? You're gonna stick to that?' McCoy said, seeing right through Spock's deflection. 'I don't know what your damn plan is to defeat Nero, but I think Jim had a point, didn't he? This is worse than a suicide mission. It's revenge.'

Spock closed his eyes for a long moment, then eased them open. 'We have just experienced the worst disaster in the history of the Federation.'

'And you think Jim doesn't have as much of a right to be there when Nero suffers?'

'I would rather a universe where Jim is alive.'

'And we are dead?' McCoy finished. 'You _know _he can help us, he's the best damn strategist in the Academy. You know, back home, we got a saying. Never leave a man behind. I mean, are you even worried about him?'

Fierceness was a terrifying thing to witness on Spock, his superior Vulcan strength was not even necessary to threaten. His physical presence alone was enough as he took a step forward, forcing the doctor to step back against a wall.

'Do not presume to know anything about my emotions, Doctor. You will soon realise they far outweigh your own.'

'For someone who cares so much about emotions, you've got no problem screwing with Jim's.' McCoy replied.

'Explain yourself.' Spock demanded.

McCoy raised his chin defiantly. 'I was there when he took the Kobyashi Maru. Perhaps you remember.'

That comment struck a nerve, bringing up memories within Spock of medical files and surveillance equipment recording his brother fading to white and expelling his stomach contents onto the simulation room's floor.

'The test was designed to-' Spock began, the excuse catching in his dry throat.

'It was designed against him.' McCoy said, repeating Jim's explanation from the hearing.

Spock's eyes narrowed. 'Jim defeated the test yesterday, Doctor. His instability in facing the Kobyashi Maru is therefore hardly a solid foundation for your argument.'

'You threw the memory of his killed parents in front of him to keep him from going into space, didn't you?' McCoy demanded. Spock stayed silent. 'Admit it!'

'My motives are not for you to question, Doctor.' Spock said, thin-lipped.

'You're so far buried in your Vulcan mind that you can't even recognise when your brother is hurting.' McCoy accused. He spoke harshly, his hands gesturing wildly. 'You haven't even spoken in what, three years?'

Spock's eyes dropped to the floor, and his voice dropped to a whisper. '…seven.'

McCoy was visibly taken aback, looking the Vulcan up and down with a measure of disgust. 'Seven goddamn years.' He reiterated. Spock nodded guiltily and McCoy gave a bark of laughter.

'So that's what he has to do to get your attention? Cheat on your exam and call a hearing? That's messed up.'

Spock didn't deny it, and a tiny line formed between his arched eyebrows. 'Tell me about him?' he asked, voice just as small as before.

It was phrased as an order, but the uncertainty in his voice gave the questioning inflection. McCoy considered for a moment, scanning the other man's face for any visible emotion. He couldn't see any, but the unsettling thought entered his mind that Jim would be able to understand exactly what was going through his brother's head.

McCoy crossed his arms over his chest. 'You're the one not talking to him.'

'_He_ was not talking to _me_.' Spock clarified, sounding more like a petulant child than a Starfleet Commander.

'And why would he?' McCoy snapped without thinking. 'I can't imagine why Jim put up with you emotionless robots for as long as he did.'

Something cold entered Spock's brown eyes. 'Doctor McCoy. You clearly do not understand my family. Let me inform you that the only reason I am listening to your advice is because Jim evidently trusts you. I do not suffer fools lightly, Doctor, and I do not take my brother for one.'

There was a long stretch of silence while McCoy considered with a furrowed brow. 'What is this, interrogation of the boyfriend? No wait, don't answer that, I don't want to know.' McCoy waved a hand dismissively. 'My point is, Commander, that you've got no right to be in Jim's life any more. You gave that up the minute you walked out on him.'

'He's my brother.' Spock said, low certainty as if that fact trumped all else.

'No.' McCoy said angrily, righteous fury boiling over. 'You don't get to claim that, not any more. I was the one who was there for him when you were off designing tests that landed him in the infirmary overnight.'

'Stop…' Spock whimpered.

'I was there when he found Pike's dissertation and got drunk with him after he read it. I was the one he confided in, you bastard. And you have the gall to call yourself family?'

'…please.'

Their eyes met, and McCoy delivered the final blow.

'I'm more of a brother to him than you ever were.'

* * *

**_Okay, I'm gonna sit here and make excuses for a while. The last three months were possibly the most busy of my life. I've now officially started University, which means I may end up getting more writing done because of the train, or not at all because of the workload. So, uh, expect the unexpected!_**

**_So I have you all a choice last chapter, and in the end, the polls came very close. But, this confrontation scene won out in the first little while. To be honest, this chapter really screwed with me. It was probably one of the hardest ones I've written, and definitely the hardest for Surrogate. The chemistry between Spock and McCoy is so much more delicate and different to each of their relationships with Jim. I found it a little hard to complete the "Aristotelian Triad" (Seriously, go read some Star Trek essays on the Ethos, Pathos and Logos, it's really enlightening). I also found that the confrontation slightly leaned towards "McCoy-smashing-Spock" when it should be a little more even. At least until the end there, ouch._**

**_I've got plans for the next chapter, the mind-meld. On a (potentially) un/related note, does anyone have a Original Series Star Trek episode they'd think I'd like? I'm about up to ep 20ish from watching on youtube (making do with what I have), but if anyone knows something they think I'd like, please please tell me, I really want to educate myself further. _****_Special nod to Krishnaa, since I have a heap of pms from her becoming more strongly worded begging... and threatening._**

**_So please review! Tell me what you think about this difficult chapter. Is there anything else you want McCoy or Spock to bring up? What do you want to see in the mind-meld? Is anyone still alive after so long?_**


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

Through the psi points on Jim's face, Spock's telepathic skills recognised a mind trained to deal with psychic intrusion. Mental shields began to retreat, allowing the bond to form between their minds. Spock had intended to merely show the sequence of events that led to his being marooned on Delta Vega, but as their minds joined, he detected the slither of Jim's conscious mind sliding into his unguarded memories and taking one to view. The allure of the bright mind he was connecting to, so different to his friend's in many ways, projected a memory towards him, filled with light and pain.

* * *

Jim knew he was violating his own rules of mental privacy, but the temptation to steal a memory from the stranger claiming to be his brother proved too great. He chose one that took place on the bridge of a starship, one that looked not dissimilar to the _Enterprise_. The Elder Vulcan couldn't have had any misgivings about Jim viewing this memory, if he had, the highly trained psychic would have fortified the mental walls.

Immersing himself in the memory, Jim felt the strong tug of another's emotional mindset. The only mindmelds he'd engaged in previously were with a much-younger Spock as boys, when they had begun to receive psychic training. He had never melded with a master of the art, and the image he was caught in, like a weak swimmer in a current, dragged him into the vivid memory.

* * *

_He was sitting in the Captain's chair. Within the memory, he couldn't move, because the Vulcan hadn't moved. He was constrained within the body that had lived through the memory –Spock's body. There were people behind him, all dressed in Starfleet uniforms, but he couldn't tell who unless the Vulcan turned around. Out of the corner of his eye, Jim noticed the ranking stripes on the blue sleeves around "his" arms: Commander. Evidently the Vulcan wasn't a Captain at the time of this memory, and his position in the seat was likely because he was given the con while the commanding officer was absent. Every piece of information was processed orderly and logically as Jim experienced it._

Wow, Spock, is this how you think all the time?

_The crew had likely just been given bad news; the entire bridge was tense, like they were waiting for something. The view screen flickered and Jim's attention was drawn to it. On screen, a terrible image of a terrifying lizard-like creature hissed, carrying a sharp knife and walking menacingly forward. The image changed to one of a man in his mid thirties wearing a Starfleet uniform. Covered in dirt, his pants ripped and stained slightly, the man scrambled up a rocky mountainside. The gold Command shirt declared the rank of Captain at the wrists._

The Vulcan's missing Captain._ Jim realised. That explained the tense atmosphere on the bridge. _Why aren't you doing anything to help?

_The man climbed up and leant against a large rock covered in a yellow powder. For the first time, Jim saw his face._

Dad?

_Jim's heart stopped, a lump constricting his throat. _Turn around! _He screamed at the Vulcan._ If Mom is on board, I need to see her! Save Dad, please!

'_If only there was some way we could contact him.' An accented voice grouched from his side. The Vulcan turned slightly and Jim caught sight of the speaker._

'_Yes indeed, Doctor.' The Vulcan spoke._

Bones.

_Older Bones. Wearing his age in wrinkles and creases around his eyes and forehead. The familiar frown, recognisable at any age, folded those creases as his brow furrowed._

'_Notice the substance encrusting that rock.' The Vulcan continued, indicating the view screen. 'Yes. Unless I'm mistaken, it's potassium nitrate.'_

'_So?'_

_That irritability was trademark Bones, and Jim sighed in relief at having someone familiar._

'_Perhaps nothing, Doctor.' On screen, the Captain tasted the mineral around him and spat it out. 'Perhaps everything.'_

_Realisation dawned on the man on the view screen, and he went off, searching for something on the planet's surface. With the knowledge of who was standing beside him, Jim reconsidered the Captain._

It can't be. _He whispered._

_He was older, more mature, but it was unmistakably his face, his eyes, his determined jaw line. It wasn't quite like watching a holo of his father; he could see that now, there were differences, but it was him, an older version of him, with a Captain's rank and an anxious crew._

_The lizard-like creature hissed taunts and threats to the Otherself over a communicator and Jim took the opportunity to examine the Vulcan, who in this memory was of the right comparative age. The emotions connected to the memory were faded and hidden, but Jim delved into them while the Vulcan and McCoy debated the morality of a past event._

_Jim had seen his brother when Jim's life was in danger. Real panic, desperation and ruthless need to protect had all been evident on his face when the sehlat had targeted Jim. Only now, the anxiety and fear were muted, as though the Vulcan would prefer Jim to survive, but would not feel great emotions should he die at the hands of the lizard._

Could he really be Spock? Is this my brother in the future?

_The Otherself desperately collected an odd array of equipment; he found a short, wide stem of bamboo and shovelled the yellow mineral into it._

'_Fascinating. Good, good. He knows, Doctor. He has reasoned it out.'_

_The Otherself continued with his strange task, wrapping cut vines around the bamboo and putting handfuls of another mineral into it._

'_What is it, Spock?' Bones asked._

'_An invention, Doctor. First potassium nitrate, and now if he can find some sulphur and a charcoal deposit, or some ordinary coal.' The OtherSpock predicted._

_Something that looked like diamonds were the next thing to go in and Spock confirmed Jim's suspicions._

'_Recall your basic chemistry, Doctor. Gunpowder.'_

I'm –He's making a cannon. _The last ingredient was crushed coal, but the lizard-man was approaching fast._

'_Can he do it?' Bones asked. The tension in his voice was exactly what Jim wished to feel in this emotionless Spock._

'_If he as the time, Doctor. If he has the time.'_

_The cannon was aimed and fired. An explosion hit the lizard creature straight in the chest, knocking him over. The Otherself scrambled and pinned the lizard down, taking the creature's knife and holding it above its throat. The older Jim gritted his teeth, frowning deeply. 'No.' he murmured. Resolved in that decision, Jim stood and tossed the knife away._

What are you doing?

'_No, I won't kill you.' The Otherself declared. 'Maybe you thought you were protecting yourself when you attacked the outpost.' The words confused Jim, but the older version of himself said them with such conviction, it was hard not to believe him. He stared at the lizard creature, threw the dagger away and shouted at the sky. 'No, I won't kill him! Do you hear? You'll have to get your entertainment someplace else!'_

_For a moment, Jim thought the Otherself was yelling to the crew, to Spock and Bones who were watching the fight from above, but then a figure appeared on a rock above the Otherself, and the captain spun towards it. The transmission cut._

_Bones took a step forward, a small noise of protest escaping his throat. 'We lost him!'_

_For anyone else on the bridge, the change in Spock would have been unnoticeable, but Jim was experiencing the memory through his body, he could feel every joint. Jim felt when Spock tensed and jerked out of his seat slightly. The movement was followed by a smooth rise, disguising the first quick jolt of alarm._

_Spock never did anything without reason, without purpose. Jim knew how dangerous an uncontrolled Vulcan could be, how their logic and serenity hid lethal strength and violent emotions._

_In that split, unnoticed second, Spock unwittingly raised inch from his chair because the transmission of Jim had been severed._

'_What happened?' Bones demanded._

'_The metrons shut off the visual link.' A familiar voice answered from behind Spock. The Vulcan turned and Jim saw Uhura, looking as drop dead gorgeous as always._

'_Can you get it back?' Bones demanded._

'_Captain!' Uhura cried. The bridge crew spun around._

_The Captain was leaning against the consol, a sort of stunned expression on his face._

_Bones rushed forward and grabbed the Otherself by the arm. The entire bridge crew lost whatever anxiety they had been holding onto, instantly relaxing at the sight of their commanding officer. Even Spock, who was more in-tune with his Vulcan side than ever before, allowed a fraction of calm to come over him._

_Jim turned around, smiling slightly at his crew._

'_Alright, everyone, back to your posts. Let's get out of here.'_

_Then Jim knew that even in this universe, he had Spock's affection. Not because he was family, but because he had earned it._

This is what I want. This is who I want to be.

* * *

At the same time, Spock was witnessing a piece of Jim's childhood.

First, he felt pain, the familiar ache of division that used to exist within him, being split into two halves, human and alien. To feel that disturbance within Jim's mind was unprecedented. The intense emotional conflict made it more difficult for Spock to slide into the memory, the images flashing fast until he was able to follow the psychic connection. Even with his impressive psychic training and frequent melding with _his_ Jim's mind, it took a moment to ease into the memory.

* * *

_He wanted it over, this split in his mind, dividing him in half, putting him at war with himself. He just wanted out._

_Jim was running, chest heaving and tears flowing freely. It hurt, there was pain and confusion and – damn, why did this hurt so bad?_

_He was running through a hallway, like he could escape it, just by running. The architecture around him looked Vulcan, but that was improbable. He burst through a door and into a traditional Vulcan bedroom. Jim stomped over a meditation mat, chest heaving as he looked upwards. Two models of star systems hovered by the ceiling, suspended in a simulated gravitational orbit around their respective stars. The reddish hue of the larger planet easily identified Vulcan as the system on the left. On the right, a perfect model of Earth rotated gracefully around Sol, each continent perfect in its construction._

_Filled with anger, Jim jumped up, thin arms stretching until he caught Earth in his hand. It was tiny, the size of the young boy's palm, intricate details surrounding every coastline. Sniffling through his tears, Jim crushed his hand into a fist and the Earth cracked along the Pacific Ocean. His eyes lifted and he heaved a sob trying to hold his tears back, the Earth falling from his hand and crushing underfoot as he ran into the adjoined bathroom._

_Jim waved a hand and the sonic shower activated, but he didn't enter, just faced towards the mirror. Seeing his former Captain as a young boy, no more than eight years old, in such obvious distress moved Spock deeply, even more than the emotional transference was influencing. Jim stripped off his shirt, his thin chest heaving and mop of blond hair sticking up in all directions._

_Jim's eyes darted down to his other hand and Spock saw for the first time a pair of familiar sewing scissors clutched in the tiny hand. The handle was an antique, there was likely only one left in the world. Spock had watched his mother sew and knit with the exact same pair sitting on top of balls of yarn. The sight of the scissors drew up decades old pain of watching his mother age and die and also feelings of nostalgia and confusion. Melding with Jim had always stirred unprecedented emotional reactions in him. He opened a draw and withdrew a small comb with a few black hairs still clinging to it, most likely belonging to the Vulcan who shared this bathroom._

_Young Jim rubbed the back of his hand across his face, rubbing away all traces of his tears, and an unsettling form of calm settled over Jim's mind in the memory, too similar to Vulcan meditation to be coincidence._

Jim… how did you turn out this way?

_Jim combed his hair flat to his skull with methodical strokes, the formerly unruly mop of hair was tamed into the rough approximation of the traditional Vulcan hairstyle, only far too long and with ragged edges. The scissors were lifted to the blond boy's forehead, resting half an inch above his straight eyebrows._

Shnick

_Fine blond strands fell to the floor of the bathroom. Cut after cut, Jim worked, hair fluttering around and landing on his bare shoulders as he snipped the ragged haircut away. A ruler straight line of hair ran around his head, as similar as could be made to the way Spock had worn his hair for dozens of decades._

_With unnatural silence in his mind, Jim placed the scissors on the bathroom bench and looked in the mirror, linking his hands behind his back._

Young Jim… it's not right to see you this way.

_He was close, so close to being Vulcan, to not being alone on an alien planet. To not being an alien in his own family._

_Jim slid his fingers into the handle of the scissors, wrapping around them and squeezing hard enough to press indents into his skin. A light tap at the door was followed by a hesitant voice._

'_Jimmy?'_

_Spock knew that voice, he spoke that voice, there was no mistaking it. _Did I ever sound so young?

'_Jimmy? Are you alright?' the younger Spock said into the door. 'Can I come in?'_

_Jim threw one panicked look at the locked door, then stared back at his own reflection, giving the elder Spock the opportunity to examine his tear-stricken face. The desperation in his very human eyes caused a swell of emotion deep within the Vulcan._

_With his left hand, Jim pinched the top of his ear, drawing a line diagonally across the shell with his thumb, a line that cut off the gentle curve, and would form the cartilage into a harsh point._

_Jim opened the scissors; set the blade long that line and cut._

_The scissors sliced through the cartilage, the flap of skin fell onto the bench with a sickening slap. Jim couldn't feel anything for a minute, staring in partial shock at the piece of his ear he had severed._

_Warmth tickled the side of his face. He looked up. Blood was sluggishly pumping from his ear. Wet warmth tingled at his skin. His ear was at a point._

'_Jim!' Spock yelled through the door. 'Let me in.'_

_The young boy reached out a finger and prodded slightly at the disembodied piece of flesh._

'_Spock?' His voice quivered._

'_Jimmy!' the answer came immediately. 'Open the door!'_

_Jim touched the side of his neck. His fingers came away covered in red blood. Human blood._

_In his chest, Jim's heart thudded hard, his very human heart. Panicked, he cried out the only name he could rely on._

'_Spock!'_

_His vision faded, and the next thing he knew, he was lying on the floor, the face of young Spock above him, brown eyes wide with terror._

'_Mom!' Spock screamed, words that Jim was too unfocused to hear. He turned back to Jim, cradling the weak brother's head in warm palms. _

'_Jimmy, what did you do?' Spock asked, voice quivering._

_Jim blinked sluggishly. 'I want to be like you.'_

_The fingers supporting Jim's head tightened. Spock's face pinched in emotional pain and he pressed his forehead to Jim's._

_His brother had never looked so human._

* * *

Spock withdrew his psychic presence from the bright hot memory that burned with pain and pressed lightly against Jim's mind.

_Why did you want me to see that?_

Jim, as dynamic and multifaceted in the mental realm as the physical, shifted in a swirl of colours.

_You're more Vulcan than he is. I know it's not logical, but it's better than logic ever was._

_From what I understand, it may not be the case that I am more Vulcan, but that he is more Jim._

Jim laughed, a bright sensation of tangy fruits crossing his senses.

_You are brothers_. Spock stated.

_You were not. I'm sorry._

_How did this come to pass?_

Jim showed him some information, a convoluted mess of emotions, text from a dissertation and black-box footage of the Kelvin's destruction. Confusion laced the edges of the memory, and one image pulsed frequently: one single massive ship and a lightning storm in space.

_What can you tell me about Nero?_

_I can show you_.

A huge surge of information poured from Spock's mind, Jim being carried on a whirlwind. Stars exploded with enough force to spread to the adjoining solar systems. Councils deliberated and decisions were reached. Spock wasn't fast enough. Romulus was destroyed. Lightning. Nero. Being pulled through into another universe.

_As he was helpless to save his planet, I would be helpless to save mine._

Cold pierced down to his bones. The planet above him crumpled into dust.

_Billions of lives lost. Because of me, Jim. Because I failed._

Jim got the feeling that Spock wasn't speaking to him, or at least, not this version of him.

* * *

Jim collapsed, falling to his knees in the hard snow, gasping for breath, his eyes stinging with unshed tears.

Vulcans cannot cry. As desert dwellers, they lack tear ducts, and it would waste precious water. Something encoded into Spock's genetic code, in his human makeup, knew what it was to bare a soul in a flood of tears.

Under the emotional force of the mindmeld, Jim felt his own walls crashing down and he felt the loss, both his and Spock's fully. His fingers scrabbled and clutched at Spock's pant legs, finding support in the wounded Vulcan.

In any form, in any universe, they still clung to each other

'I am sorry, Jim.' Spock said from above him, voice grave with guilt. 'You should not have had to experience the destruction of your home a second time.'

A warm aged hand was placed on Jim's head like a benediction.

Jim bent his head and did what Spock could not. He wept.

* * *

_**Big Author's Note today, because I missed you guys. Also you got a big chapter, so you have to put up with me.**_

_**I just got a LiveJournal account! pinkninjapj. Look me up and friend me! Only, I have no idea what the hell I'm doing on it. So, uh, any LJ savvy people out there want to help me out and showing me some tips and tricks? I'd be ever so grateful.**_

_**Don't forget to check out The Sum of Their Parts on my profile. It's a small oneshot set in this Surrogate-verse, comparing the two brothers in different ways.**_

_**The memory I used for Spock Prime came from The Original Series episode, The Arena. There was probably a better one out there (which is why I asked for suggestions), but I was out shopping when my dad (who watched Star Trek when he was a kid) called and held up the phone to the tv. I heard the words "Space: The Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Enterprise" and I was already halfway out the door. Watching The Arena with my Dad was lots of fun, so it's a bit of a special episode for me.**_

_**As for the memory SpockPrime saw… I'm very interested to know what you guys think. I really wanted to push boundaries. Feeling really hurt when we don't fit in is such a human response, especially for children. I've been sitting on the idea of Jim feeling like an alien in his own family for a while, and figured now was the best place to reveal that. Granted, most children don't perform bathroom surgery to look more Vulcan, but Jim isn't really most children.**_

_**The more you know: That very last scene, where Jim has collapsed to his knees and SpockPrime has a hand on his head while he cries... That was one of the first images that came to mind when I began writing this story.**_

_**Please review! This chapter really took a lot out of me in terms of emotional rollercoaster, I want to know if you guys felt it too! Tell me what you thought, comments, criticisms, questions... how was the lag time between chapters this time?**_


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

Jim's fingers cramped stiff into the bunched material of Spock's pants legs, the cold air making his nose blocked up and his throat sore. The tears stopped flowing, but Jim still heaved shuddering breaths that spun out from his mouth in a puff of icy air.

The long fingered, warm hand in Jim's hair spread flat against his skull. 'Jim.'

Jim pinched his eyes shut and angled his head slightly away.

'Jim, we must go now.'

'And do what?' Jim bit out in despair. 'We're stuck here, Nero's going to destroy the Federation, and my brother is on a suicide mission. There's nothing we can do, Spock.'

The hand reached down and gripped Jim by the shoulder, raising the man to his feet. 'As I feel you sensed from your brief exposure to my memories,' Spock began, then smiled warmly against the chilled air, 'we always find a way.'

Jim couldn't help a half smile tug at his lips. 'A lotta things are different here, Spock.'

'Really?' Spock arched a grey eyebrow. 'I feel it was always your destiny to Captain the _Enterprise_ with Spock by your side.'

'Our destinies have changed-'

'And still you found yourself on the _Enterprise _alongside the younger Spock when millions of lives are in danger.' Spock smiled kindly. 'Some things, it seems, are constant.'

Spock nodded to himself and began buttoning his heavy snow jacket up, lifting the shoulder pads that formed into a hood. 'We must leave now.'

'Go where?' Jim copied the movement. 'And do what? Because just saying it'll work out isn't helpful when you're going toe to toe with a psychopath.'

Spock considered his words, and then asked a question. 'If you were onboard the _Enterprise_ now, what would you do?'

'We haven't played this game for years.' Jim laughed quietly and began ordering his thoughts. 'Okay, well… force wont work with Nero, the secondary fleet didn't stand a chance. If there was any hope of negotiation, it's with Captain Pike. Our only hope is to steal the red matter before Nero gets the chance to inject it into Earth.'

Spock nodded sagely. 'You are a fine strategist, Jim, and the most brilliant Captain I have ever come across. The crew of the _Enterprise_ are equally remarkable in every respect. You will accomplish much with them.'

Jim's thoughts drifted back to the image from Spock's mind, of his friends, his _crew_, the respect they had for his older counterpart. He wanted that. He wanted to become that man.

'Let's do this shit.'

* * *

Scotty had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

He'd woken up with his thermoblanket twisted around one leg, leaving his toes exposed to the cold air. He'd stubbed his previously numb big toe on the bunk in his quarters and didn't even feel it until he went to pull on his woollen socks and had to peel off his broken toenail. Breakfast was a rock hard nutrient bar – what he wouldn't give for a fat greasy sausage and some charred black bacon. He'd been working at his station when something freezing cold dripped down his neck. Turns out the plumbing running along the high ceiling had sprung a leak and was dripping coolant fluid. Scotty spent the next three hours on a dangerously high ladder with a massive wrench.

'Don't bloody get why the little climbing monkey couldn't do this.' Scotty groused.

'Scared of heights.' His short green friend yelled at him.

'Bollocks!' Scotty snapped at him. The wrench slipped from his fingers and fell two stories, clattering onto the floor. 'Oh, bollocks.'

Thankfully he could patch up the leak with what he had on his belt and managed to scale down the ladder with only two bouts of wobbling.

Lunch was cold and hard and depressing, a lump of protein nib that he ended up sharing with his tribble. Even the ball of fluff on his desk seemed to despise the meal and strained against the bars of its cage.

'You and me both, buddy.' Scotty said in sympathy, and scratched behind what might be its ears. He kicked back, his boots on the desk and arms spread over the back of his chair.

Scotty mopped up the lingering traces of sweat and coolant from his skin with a rag, wrapped a tattered scarf around his neck and threw the long end over his face with an annoyed groan.

'Just five minutes.' He promised himself.

'Problems in South-East sector.' Keenser informed him.

Scotty gave a pitiful whine and gave his grumpiest face possible. A spiny green hand squeezed his shoulder. 'I'll take care of it.'

'Mmphf, Keen.' The noise was close enough to be taken as gratitude.

Scotty dozed lightly, his mind drifting back to his theories of interplanatary beaming, idly considering extra factors. There was a bang from somewhere in the complex, followed by a clatter and footsteps heading his way.

A hand slapped his boots.

'What?' he grumped, flicking the end of his scarf off his face.

Two guys stood in front of him, Starfleet, by the looks of them. About bloody time. Was that a Vulcan? His tribble made a protesting trill at the strangers, and probably its own empty stomach.

'You do realise how unacceptable this is.'

'Fascinating.' The Vulcan said.

The man beside him shot the elder a confused look. Scotty took a breath and let out the rant he'd been practicing for six months, hardly letting them get a word in edgewise. Little could get Scotty talking faster than food. But then the Vulcan brought up trans-warp beaming – one of the few things above food on his chin-wagging list.

Scotty was not a dim man. He knew he was very clever, even if he rarely showed it. That was why, with little more than a mention of an equation that hadn't been discovered, Scotty had already leapt to the conclusion (and the right one, as it turned out) and didn't bat an eyelash.

'Do they still have sandwiches in the future?'

* * *

Spock did not easily find himself in conflicts, and hardly ever on the losing side of one. After the confrontation with Doctor McCoy, he spoke briefly to his father, then returned to his duties. McCoy's harsh words stayed with him for a long time. He found himself drifting, letting the strange vision of warp speed run past his eyes.

His entire life, Spock's purpose had been keeping Jim safe. He'd sacrificed friends, his health, his career in the Vulcan Science Academy, all chasing after some inane idea that his actions could protect his younger brother. That same brother that now hated him. He would be safe from the war criminal Nero, but may never forgive Spock. May never see him again.

Spock evened his breath and swayed his head from side to side, chanting under his breath. Purging his emotions came easily after decades of practice.

* * *

'_The role of the commanding officer on any starship is a delicate one.' Instructor Peck was saying, his grey uniform stretched tight over his large stomach. 'Command can shift at almost any point in a mission, and it is imperative to the success of that mission that every individual on that ship is aware of the action that must be taken. Please select Starfleet Regulations on your PADDS and we will begin at section 600: Voluntary and Involuntary Changes to Command.'_

_The instructor was attempting to make the most of boring regulations, but it was all pretty standard. He did give Jim this awkward pity smile as the class discussed the authority of an acting captain after the death of Captain. Jim refused to be included in the discussion._

_The class was setting Jim's teeth on edge, the consistent talk of regulations and reasoning and history… as though one could neatly categorise the various facets of a mission that made one captain unsuitable or another incapable. When the instructor announced Regulation 619: The commanding officer must relieve themselves of command if their current mission leaves them emotionally compromised and unable to make rational decisions, Jim lost his patience._

'_Are you making the claim that emotions are detrimental to the cause of the mission?' Jim asked._

_The instructor gave a flummoxed hand-wave. 'Does anyone have a response for Mr. Kirk?'_

_Another cadet, one Jim was fairly sure he had fucked earlier in the year, boldly made a statement. 'I think so, yes. There's a long history of evidence that emotional involvement compromises the effectiveness. In the battle of CM-Coventry, the captain's emotional involvement led to the failure of the mission.'_

'_If you call that a failure.' Jim scoffed. 'As I recall, she saved those people.'_

'_But she failed to hold the position. That was her primary directive. If she had not been emotionally involved, the results of the battle would have been quite different.'_

'_So you make the claim that, without emotions, command decisions would be much better?' Jim challenged. The cadet nodded. 'So why aren't there more Vulcans in command track?'_

_The class was held in silence. '_Are_ there any Vulcans in Command?' Jim asked the instructor._

'_Uh, well, um, no captains, certainly.' The instructor thought. 'I think there's a second officer over on the _Edison_.'_

'_A small research vessel, with limited to no armaments.' Jim helpfully described. 'Not exactly a flagship.'_

'_So you're saying we should recruit more Vulcans so emotional detachment is more common?' a pilot-to-be asked, turning around in his seat._

'_I'm saying that emotions have to mean something.' Jim gestured at the young cadet. 'My peer here claimed that emotional involvement compromises effectiveness. Surely, if that was the case, Vulcans would feature more prominently in command positions. My point is this: Perhaps emotions play a much larger role in command decisions than we give them credit.'_

'_An interesting point, Mr. Kirk.' The instructor nodded, making a note of it on his PADD. 'Anyone have anything else to say on Regulation 619?'_

_There was silence for a long moment. Jim shook his head and laughed a little. 'Just one more thing.' He said. 'Interesting to note that I made the insinuation that Vulcans don't possess emotions, and not one person here corrected me.'_

* * *

Scotty was proud of his modified shuttle. Not of the fact that it was scraping through on the loosest possible definition of space worthy, but of the fact that Scotty was able to take a short-range shuttle that was little more than a box with engines, and create all the necessary circuits for a transport beaming pad using nothing more than the shields and whatever parts he found around the base. And ion Scotty's opinion, the beaming pad was actually an improvement on many of the ones currently found in some of the Starship models.

That was, of course, not including the lovely _Enterprise_ model. Scotty had seen blueprints back before the whole Admiral Archer debacle, and just knew that he was meant to have that ship. It was love at first sight of her holographic rendering, when the Scotsman looked at the magnificent ship to be built and thought "That's mine. She's meant for me". Of course, admitting something like that to the non-Engineering folks would earn all kinds of strange looks, so he brushed it over with vague disinterest.

There was no need to feign interest once the Vulcan entered the equation into the system. Scotty wasn't kidding with his little speech involving the horses – transwarp beaming was little more than an impossibility, but this equation… it was revolutionary. He absorbed himself in the calculations, while the other two spoke in low voices by the platform.

'You're coming with us, right?' Jim asked, trying to sound confident enough that it wouldn't even be considered as a question.

'No, Jim.' Spock had always been able to deny Jim. 'This is something that the two of you must accomplish together.'

'My Spock doesn't go down without a fight, you need to come with us and explain all this.' Jim insisted.

'He cannot be made aware of my existence, Jim, you must promise me this.' The elder Spock warned.

Jim looked away and frowned. 'That theory has never been proven.'

'The presence of beings from my universe has already caused enough disruption to this universe, I would prefer to minimise the impact.' Spock said. 'You must take command of the Enterprise with your brother at your side. It was always meant to be that way.'

Jim stared at the worn and elderly face, studying the pattern of wrinkles. 'A lot of things are different here. I won't even be the commanding officer; he'll throw me straight into the brig.'

'Then you must work out a way to assume command of the _Enterprise_, lest Nero take revenge upon this reality's Earth to spite my actions.' Spock's words weighed heavy in the cold air between them.

Jim lips pressed firmly together, a bitter taste on his tongue.

'What makes your universe any more important than ours?' he demanded. 'Why do you get to screw up our lives?'

Spock's large and cool hand came to rest on Jim's shoulder. 'The bond the two of you share is much stronger than you think. I am deeply grieved for the pain you have survived because of my actions. You were always to become a great captain, James T. Kirk, but you must become that man now.'

Jim gave a small nod, and the corner of Spock's lips lifted infinitesimally.

'I'm all for teary reunions and all, but can we not get this show on the road before the ship is out of range?' Scotty pushed between them to get to the transport pad, dragging Jim backwards by the jacket onto the beaming platform.

'I'll see you soon.' Jim said, sounding equally like a promise and a threat.

As the spinning light engulfed the two Starfleet officers, the elder Spock raised his hand in the traditional farewell.

* * *

**_I have no excuses, my wonderful readers, other than extreme apathy, multiple other fandoms drawing me in, everything in my life stepping up a degree and my first ever children's picture book is getting published this month what the hell how did that happen? Something I wrote is getting published what is my life?_**

**_Immense gratitude is due to the following users, who all pushed me viciously along since April last year (! I am so sorry everyone!). I am gobsmacked by your support. _**BetahimeTsukiko, **_(sent me a review saying "This needs to be updated ASAP literally an hour after I was finishing this chapter off) _**Krishnaa **_(I can't even begin to describe you. You sent me four (FOUR!) messages reminding me to keep at this chapter alone. I love you) _**..Now **_(You're right. One reviewer _can_ make a difference)_**she-elf _**(as always, my favourite anon reviewer I can never reply to. I hope you're still out there somewhere, hopefully reading this!) **_lilygirl7707 **_(I just... you've read this 6 times? Argh! Just let me love you) I kept reviews from July last year unread in the hopes that I would write more to earn another review, so if you reviewed and I never responded, it's probably because the link "expired". I didn't even know links could do that! Then again, if anyone was going to discover it, it was going to be me. Also, I have to thank my spectacular lack of boyfriend which caused me to watch STXI again on Valentines Day and was the final push to finish this chapter._**

**_I love you all forever, and hope enough of you are still alive to review._**


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

Sarek was disappointed in him. This was not an unfamiliar circumstance. Spock was, in fact, disappointed in himself.

They had spoken only briefly, after the verbal altercation between himself and the doctor, before Sarek had retired to the infirmary, taking up a vigil at Amanda's bedside. There was still no change in her precarious health. Spock feared there never would be. So now the deck seemed bare, only the officers at their stations and Spock, inhabiting the chair he didn't deserve.

Spock recorded more details in the captain's log, adding the clauses of Starfleet regulations that gave him the power to strand his brother on Delta Vega. When they arrived at Earth and the _Enterprise_ was blasted out of the sky, he wanted all records to show exactly what he wanted them to show.

'Captain Spock, I am detecting unauthorised access to water turbine control,' came the confused voice of the young ensign.

An accident, perhaps. Much of the ship was destroyed; workers were putting every effort into reconstruction, but such an insignificant system…

'Bring up the video.'

There was little that could compare to the crushing sense of disappointment and anxiety Spock felt upon recognising the figure in the video. He contacted security and gave them explicit instructions not to harm the intruders, under any circumstances. It was only after he had done so that he realised it was impossible for Jim to be here.

Jim was supposed to be gone. He was supposed to be safe. How could Spock protect him against his own mission of revenge?

Like a criminal, Jim was marched onto the bridge at phaser point, a shorter man beside him, soaking wet.

Jim was already fuming, something unfamiliar, cold and calculating in his eyes. 'You're an asshole.' He spat. 'I knew you were arrogant, I never knew you were so selfish.'

Spock did not concern himself with the tirade and instead turned to the other man. 'Identify yourself.'

'He's with me.' Jim answered at the same time that the other man said 'I'm with him.'

'Security, escort-'

'I'm not finished.' Malice dripped from Jim's voice. 'You know, for seven years I never bothered you, never asked you for a thing. And now I ask you to let me help save our homeworlds and you ditch me on a frozen wasteland so you can run a goddamn suicide mission. I could have died down there, Spock!'

'I calculated the odds at-'

'And the worst thing is, you don't even know how full of shit you are.'

'Jim!' McCoy exclaimed.

'Our mom's dying in there and you don't even care!'

Uhura stood up from her place at the communications array. 'Our mom?' she repeated.

'Do not concern yourself, Lieutenant.' Spock avoided her gaze and then rounded on his brother. 'And you. Do not mistake my inaction for apathy.'

'You _know_ this mission isn't going to work.'

Spock raised one slanted eyebrow. 'Do you take issue with my authority over you?'

'No.' Jim smirked back. 'I'm perfectly content with you failing on your own terms.'

A muscle twitched in Spock's jaw, his calm resolve was cracking.

McCoy stepped forward and grabbed Jim's arm. 'Let's get you down to Medbay before you do something you regret.'

'No.' Jim shook off the doctor's hand. 'I will not allow this psychopath to destroy my family and my home.'

'Nero will-' Sulu began.

'I wasn't talking about Nero.' Jim said, straightening up to stare Spock in the eye.

A weighty silence choked the bridge.

'Earth is my home. I will stop at nothing to defend her. And Spock I know you don't feel, you don't care about anything. You ran away from Vulcan, you don't care it was destroyed. My family is on this ship. My mother. You're willing to sacrifice her for your vengeful mission?' Jim raised an eyebrow sceptically. 'The only _logical_ explanation I can find is that you don't care about us.'

'I will not allow you to lecture me on the merits of my own emotions.' Spock said, his accent and posture had never been more Vulcan. But beneath the cold exterior, he was raging, furious. About to reach his breaking point.

'Because you don't have any!'Jim yelled. 'You're a machine. If you ever loved us, you would have said so a long time ago.' With dejected frustration, Jim clenched a fist and pressed it to his mouth. 'And I wouldn't have grown up thinking I was unloved.'

'Jim.' Nothing could compare to the sheer brokenness in Spock's voice.

'And I don't care about myself, not really. But Mom's dying in Medbay and you're gonna blow this ship up. She'll die and she never even knew if you loved her.'

'I-' Spock hesitated. 'I never had the opportunity.'

'Bullshit.' Jim said. 'You had plenty of chances but you just never cared enough. You never loved her.' Jim met his brother's eyes. 'You never loved me.'

Spock closed his eyes and turned his head, making a sound like a wounded animal. Blindly he stretched out a hand, reaching for Jim but he missed. Spock collapsed to his knees and doubled over, letting out a wild cry.

He clutched at Jim's pants, fingers clenching and releasing, grasping as though it would ground him.

Vulcans have no tear ducts. It is impossible for them to cry. Spock's hybrid physiology was responding to overwhelming grief and anguish in the only way it knew. Deep dry sobs wracked his body and he whispered. 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry.' Over and over, begging forgiveness.

Uhura's hand went to her mouth. The entire bridge crew were shocked into silence at the Cadet's words and the Commander's actions. Jim stood still, the Vulcan at his feet, his face frozen in twisted agony. The tears Spock could not cry fell from Jim's face as he sank to the floor.

Spock was lost. He had nothing, no home and no family. He felt suspended in zero gravity and suffocating in space. Loss and self-hatred crushed in on him. He had failed. He had failed as a Starfleet Commander, as a Vulcan, as a son, and far more importantly, as a brother. Every title to which he tied his identity was shattered. He had nothing. He was nothing.

A warm hand pressed and spread its fingers in the middle of his back. A second joined, curling around his body and tugging him close.

'No, I'm sorry, Spock.' Jim whispered. 'I never wanted to hurt you like this.'

Another pitiful sound emanated from Spock, but this time it was buried in Jim's shirt. The younger brother tucked his face against Spock's overheated, trembling shoulder and murmured. 'Please, please forgive me.'

Joined in grief and pain, Jim and Spock curled up together on the bridge of the starship _Enterprise_.

* * *

_**I'm back! How freaking good was Star Trek: Into Darkness? Please review, I'd love to know if anyone is still reading!**_


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

_Seeing the flagship under construction in the Riverside shipyard was one of the highlights of Uhura's first year at Starfleet Academy. As the head of her Communicative Systems class, Uhura was able to examine the revolutionary systems being installed. She poured over the schematics, the software programming, and the construction of subspace relays. Her passion would always be for translating, that special skill computers have yet to master, but simply seeing the potential the _Enterprise_ possessed and she knew it was where she was meant to serve._

_On the final night of the excursion, the Instructors let the cadet's loose on a nearby bar. It was fun, Uhura often needed to be dragged out of the research labs by her friends so she enjoyed the enforced break._

_Then the farm boy lent on the bar and tried to order her a drink._

'_Thanks, but no thanks.'_

'_Oof.' The man faked being phasered to the heart. 'That was the fastest I've been dropped since on my head as a baby.'_

_Uhura let out an involuntary, ungraceful snort._

_He smiled at her reaction. 'You at least have to learn the name of the guy you're completely rejecting.'_

'_I really don't.' Uhura responded._

'_Yeah, guess that's true.' The man shrugged. 'I'm Jim, Jim Kirk.'_

_Uhura turned her head away so he wouldn't see her smiling at his playful flirting._

'_Now I don't know about your world, but where I'm from you're supposed _exchange_ names, you see.' Jim looked at her expectantly. When she didn't respond, he let out a huff of mock frustration. 'If you don't tell me your name I'm gonna have to make one up!' he threatened with a grin._

'_It's Uhura.'_

'_Uhura? That's a great name! Better than what I was gonna pick. Uhura what?'_

'_Just Uhura.'_

_Jim's cheesy lines were not the worst Uhura had dealt with in the past. She bore them with grace, signing slightly as he picked up his drink and moved to lean against the bar beside her. He was drunk, she noted. Tipsy and stumbling. His fine motor control was letting loose, slurring his words, enough to feel loose and giddy._

'_So, you're Starfleet, you're a cadet, what's your focus of study?'_

'_Xenolinguistics.' The next remark died on her tongue as his eyes lit up._

'_No way. My mom has a couple of post-docs in xenolinguistics.'_

'_Really?' Her response sounded sarcastic and incredulous to her own ears._

_Jim laughed. 'What? Don't believe me? You need to watch your stereotypes. Gonna get you in trouble when you're trying to be diplomatic.'_

_Uhura finally turned and faced him. 'What's her research?'_

'_Acoustic phonetic properties of lower Vulcan, bilingualism in Andorian and Standard speaking children, Pre-Surak grammar.' Jim rattled off. He scratched the back of his head and squinted, fumbling for other titles. 'Uh, something about vowel shift post first contact? I dunno. That one didn't interest me so I never read it.'_

'_Wow. I'm impressed.' Uhura said. 'That's quite a list.'_

'_And you?' Jim tapped his glass against Uhura's shot of jack the bartender just poured. 'You aiming for research, Uhura-just-Uhura?_

'_I'm going to be a communications officer on the _Enterprise_.' Uhura said, emphasising her statement by knocking back her drink without hesitation._

'_The _Enterprise_?' Jim laughed. 'That big ugly ship that's messing with my horizon?'_

'_She's beautiful.' Uhura defended. 'The _Enterprise_ will be the new flagship of the Federation, responsible for brokering treaties and establishing first contact. And I will be there when she does.'_

_Jim watched Uhura carefully, his gaze slightly unsettling. 'I don't care much for Starfleet, but you aim high, and I like that.'_

_Uhura dwelt on his words for a minute, before Jim let out an unmanly giggle and fumbled for another drink. 'C'mon, let's drink.' He insisted. 'Let's drink to... to...'_

'_To the _Enterprise_.' Uhura said with a smirk, holding her next glass up._

_Jim Kirk let out a laugh. 'Yeah alright. To the _Enterprise_.'_

_They drank, a shared glint in their eyes turned it into a challenge to finish first. Jim downed his faster and took the opportunity to bump the bottom of Uhura's glass. Cardassian Sunrise spilt all over her and she let out a playfully affronted gasp._

_Four large Starfleet cadets stepped up behind Jim, glaring daggers into the back of his head. 'This townie isn't bothering you, is he?'_

'_I'm fine.' Uhura said quickly._

'_Yes, you are fine.' Jim grinned, holding napkins just out of reach._

_The biggest one grabbed Jim by the shoulder and spun him around. 'Hey, watch it buddy.'_

_Jim grinned at them like an idiot. 'Whoa, if you keep that up, you're gonna start an interplanetary war when you graduate.'_

'_I doubt you can count, farm boy, but there's four of us versus one of you.'_

'_So get some more guys, and _then_ we can fight.' Jim smiled at patted the cadet's cheek, turning back to Uhura._

_The other man lifted his fist and swung, teeth bared, at Jim's head. Something in Uhura's expression must have changed, because Jim ducked and spun before the blow had a chance to land._

_Jim threw his own punch, knocking the other man unsteady off his feet. The room stared in stunned silence as the brawl broke out. Meaty thuds sounded where fist met body. Blood began to flow._

_Uhura stood in shock. Jim moved faster than anyone who was acting that drunk should. Perhaps it was all an act, his slurred speech and fumbling fingers._

_Just acting._

_Eventually, when Uhura's shouts did nothing to stop the assault, when two of the cadets cradled fractured wrists close to their body as they held Jim still for the third to punch him repeatedly, when Jim's strategic kicks to the assailant's abdomen made him double over, a piercing whistle cut through the chaos and they dropped him on the table._

_All Starfleet cadets were ordered from the building. Uhura only just had the opportunity to press a handful of napkins – the same Jim held out of reach just minutes ago – into Jim's limp hand as she left._

_Something about that strange interaction nagged at the back of her mind all night, until 0800 when Jim walked into the shuttle, shirt still stained with his own blood, bringing nothing but the clothes he wore. He looked her up and down and flirted again, easy as breathing. Uhura rolled her eyes and purposefully tried to forget about that strange night in the bar._

* * *

Standing on the Bridge three years later, Uhura was again in near shock seeing the intense emotional outburst. Spock was curled up and half on his knees, sobbing into Jim's shirt. The usually brash and arrogant cadet was soothing and gentle as he stroked Spock's back, one hand cradling the nape of his bowed neck. Uhura could do nothing.

She should have known. She should have known they were connected, right from the moment Jim spoke the Commander's name, not only with such familiarity, but also with the correct fronted vowel. _Spohk_ as opposed to _Spawk_, the pronunciation she would have expected from a Mid-Western twang.

Now she began to wonder if even Jim's accent was fabricated. A lie, acting, just acting like he acted drunk at the bar, in order that people would underestimate him and he could prove them wrong.

Brothers.

How could she have missed it? Why didn't Spock tell her? He was always closed off about his family in the past, only ever taking commlinks from his mother in private, but something of this magnitude... it would only be withheld from her if Spock wished it to be so. Or maybe Jim wanted it secret and Spock was respecting his wishes.

If that was the case, perhaps Kirk and Uhura had more in common than she pretended. Jim presented a carefully crafted façade of an underachieving jock, so he was always underestimated. As for Uhura, she concealed her relationship with Spock to avoid the appearance of favouritism, and her achievements would be based on her own merits, because they were. She hid the hours of work and sleepless nights in the lab, how every perfect mark was not a miracle of genius. She wasn't born gifted, she didn't even speak Standard until four years of age. Her village was small and traditional and most people there only spoke Swahili. When Uhura went to school and had to learn Standard, her whole world expanded with those few words in a foreign language. She sprinted home from the shuttle, bounding into her mother's legs, excitedly repeating "Hello! How are you?" until her mother laughed and took her inside. Uhura hated that she wasn't naturally bilingual, and quietly resented the hours upon hours of hard labour she had to put into keeping up with geniuses like Chekov and Jim.

They all had pasts they wanted to keep hidden, not because they were ashamed, but because they didn't want it to change how others saw them.

But all that didn't matter now for Spock and Jim. Spock had abandoned all his quiet dignity, and Jim ignored their previous pretence of being strangers.

Resting his chin on his brother's dark hair, Jim looked up at McCoy and spoke quietly. 'Bones. You're a Chief Officer now, aren't you?'

Spock stiffened and drew a deep breath. 'No, Jim. I will do it.'

He stood smoothly and turned to McCoy. Uhura could see the tremor that lingered in his hands as he linked them behind his back. 'Doctor, I am no longer fit for duty. I hereby relinquish my command based on the fact I have been emotionally compromised. Please note the time and date in the ship's log.'

He turned to leave the Bridge, Uhura taking small steps towards the turbolift to follow him. Her hand reached out tentatively, but Spock angled his head in the negative. Uhura understood. He needed privacy, to recuperate and regain his Vulcan control. Before he left, his eyes shot over to Jim then back to Uhura, and she smiled comfortingly. She would watch over Jim while his older brother left.

She turned back to the Bridge to see Jim seating himself in the Captain's chair, assuming command of the _Enterprise_, to the vocal exclamations of Doctor McCoy.

Uhura thought about Kirk's strategic thinking, his passion to save the Earth, the vicious insults hurled at Spock not minutes ago, and stood beside him. 'I sure hope you know what you're doing. Captain.'

A rare glimpse of self-doubt flickered across Jim's features. 'So do I.'

'Do you have a plan?' Her cutting questions were met with a single, short nod. 'Alright. Your orders, Captain?'

Jim straightened where he sat, keyed the ship-wide intercom and began commanding.

* * *

_Uhura's heart was racing even as she knocked on the door to the Instructor's office. She had been waiting for this moment for an entire semester; she couldn't let her own nervousness mess it up._

'_Enter.'_

_She did so, smiling congenially as Spock turned in his chair to face her. 'Cadet Uhura. I did not expect you.' One slanted eyebrow rose. 'I recently submitted your final grades. Do you wish to contend my evaluation?'_

'_Of course not.' Uhura said, sitting in the chair to which Spock gestured. 'Your comments were accurate and the mark reflected the quality of my work.'_

'_Then, as I am no longer your Instructor, I cannot fathom your purpose here.' Spock said._

_Uhura liked the way Spock talked, the rhythm of his observations and logic. It was a surprisingly simple pattern of pragmatics to fall into. 'You are correct in saying you are no longer my Instructor. In fact, as I have completed all required courses of political diplomacy and sonic frequency analysis you oversee, you will not hold a teaching position above me again at the Academy.'_

_Spock's eyes flicked down to her mouth, her hands gracefully folded on the table. 'This is true.'_

_When he did not speak any further, Uhura tried a different approach. 'For another subject I am completing a project on the resonance and acoustic properties of meditative vocalisations across species.'_

'_An interesting topic.' Spock said. 'I look forward to your results.'_

'_I would appreciate your assistance in the project.'_

_Spock's featured shifted into a small frown. 'You are aware that I cannot provide help to you which would give you an unfair advantage over your classmates.'_

_Uhura smiled. 'I'm not asking to cheat. I would like original data. Of course, I have access to the standard corpus, but transcripts aren't the same as analysing the data myself... and Vulcan meditative techniques are notoriously secretive.'_

_Spock started. 'For Vulcans, meditation is a private ordeal, only conducted in the presence of very trusted individuals, family and close friends. The state achieved during meditation is a vulnerable one, both physically and mentally. Just as a human would not fall asleep among strangers, a Vulcan is selective of any meditation partners.'_

'_Would you teach me?' Uhura asked._

_Spock looked shocked. He fumbled for words, a light green blush rising to his cheeks._

'_What I mean to say, Spock,' Uhura continued, 'is that I have highly enjoyed your company. I find you engaging, dedicated and-'_

'_Uhura.' Spock said, and she prepared her hopes to be dashed. 'Please do not stand on Vulcan ceremony with me in this matter. I have long been in contact with human emotions and ideals of romance.'_

_Not wishing to hear any more, Uhura stood and nodded. 'I understand.'_

'_You misinterpret.' Spock corrected. 'What I mean to say, Uhura, is that I am quite fond of you as well. I would very much like to continue our association.'_

_His words made Uhura immediately sit back down. 'Oh.'_

'_I would be honoured to demonstrate and teach some basic meditation techniques.'_

_Uhura beamed, then warned, 'I don't think I'll be very good.'_

_Something resembling a smile passed over Spock's features. 'You cannot possibly be worse than my previous meditation partner.'_

* * *

Uhura orchestrated communication between the separate departments, cataloguing which information was significant enough to alert the Captain. He was drawing on the resources of the entire crew, formulating the best strategy. She received a report from Medbay and, on impulse, brought up the surveillance footage of intensive care. Spock was seated at the bedside of his unconscious mother, her hand clasped in his. For a moment she thought about abandoning her station and her duty, just to be there with him, but she saw the tall imposing figure of Sarek step into frame. Sarek's hand rested on Amanda's other side and they began to speak quietly.

The senior officers assembled on the Bridge to discuss their strategies, but it mainly degenerated into arguing in endless circles. Jim wanted the impossible.

Then, miraculously, Chekov found a way. He explained his solution to the acting Captain, explaining Nero's telemetry and a way to stay hidden from the ship.

'Aye, I'll have my work cut out for me, but I can do it.' The stowaway named as Mr Scott said, shaking his head to dislodge water from his ear.

Doctor McCoy remained unconvinced. 'Wait a minute, kid, how old are you?'

'Seventeen, sir!' Chekov said proudly, and McCoy griped. Uhura needed desperately to speak to him about that adorable accent.

'Doctor, Mr Chekov is correct.'

The group of Officers turned to the door to the Bridge. There Spock stood, composed and determined. Uhura made an aborted movement towards him, her smile revealing her relief he was okay. Everyone on the Bridge watched him, waiting to see how he would act. He calmly stepped down towards them. 'I can confirm his telemetry. If Mr Sulu is able to manoeuvre us into position, I can beam aboard Nero's ship, steal the black hole device and bring back Captain Pike.' The last was spoken towards Jim. Uhura recognized it for the olive branch that it was.

Despite the smile that tugged at the corner of his lips, Jim answered. 'I won't allow you to do that, Spock.'

'You have said it yourself; the only hope for success is a stealth operation.' Spock said. 'In addition to my skills in hand to hand combat, as a Vulcan I share a common culture and genetic ancestry with Romulans.'

'I know, Spock. But I'm not letting you go alone. I'm coming with you.' Jim said.

Spock closed his eyes and drew a breath, indicating he had expected but not desired Jim's statement. 'I will not allow you to place yourself in unnecessary danger. Furthermore, it is illogical for two senior officers to embark on a mission with such a high level of risk.'

'We die together or not at all, right?' Jim said flippantly.

'Jim.' Spock said.

'Spock.' Jim returned easily. Then he sobered, fixing his brother with a determined gaze. 'There is no one I trust more to save the Earth, bring back Pike, and to protect me.' He placed a hand on his own chest, then touched Spock's side, his other hand gripping Spock's shoulder. 'We can do this. Let's save our home.'

At the sight of Spock's small smile, Uhura felt a release of tension. Jim slapped Spock on the shoulder, moving to the Captain's chair to take command. Uhura followed him to her own station, brushing past Spock and taking the opportunity to stroke her fingers against his. Relishing in his light green blush, she sat at her station and organized the Communications department to be prepared for the oncoming battle.

They were fast approaching Saturn, their strategy was good, but it was rushed. They were only students; they weren't prepared or trained for this level of hostile engagement. But Uhura merely straightened her back and got to work. Jim did a final circle of the Bridge, gave Sulu is final orders to fire on the enemy ship whenever they hold the advantage. Then, standing like a Captain prepared to walk to his death, he clearly addressed his First Officer. 'Mr. Spock. We are needed in the transporter room.'

Spock stood and led the way for his younger brother, and Uhura followed behind, her heart racing.

'Mr. Scott, let me see the schematics for the enemy ship. I know a little Romulan architecture, maybe I can help.' Jim said, leaning over the consol. Uhura neatly stepped around him to where Spock was standing at the ready on the transporter pad, the landing party belt around his waist, phaser held securely. His hand immediately wrapped around her waist. She kissed him softly, parting her lips under his and sliding her hands to his sides, pulling him close. They savoured each other, re-exploring familiar territory and dedicating it to memory, in case the worst should happen. Spock's gentle hand on her neck tilted her back and opened her to him. As they usually did, they slowly pulled apart, resting their foreheads together, Spock holding her head close. Uhura pushed forward, about to kiss those lips again when-

'What. The. Fuck?'

Her head dropped to his shoulder, barely hiding her pained smile and unbidden giggle in his uniform.

'Whoa. I mean – what? Her? Him? It's. You're not… what the hell?'

Jim stood slack-jawed, his arms slightly raised in a mixture of confusion and surrender. Uhura was more than a little pleased to return the shock of realisation he had dealt out on the Bridge less than half an hour ago.

'How long have you two…' Jim floundered, gesturing to them wildly.

Spock shifted his weight to bear evenly on his feet, a telltale sign of his anxiety. 'Jim, I-'

'Full disclosure,' Jim interrupted, a shocked look on his face, 'Accidently felt her up in a training sim last year. Oh, shit.' He looked straight at Uhura. 'I am so sorry, shit, I've been hitting on you for years. But it's been a joke, right? We had a thing going on, I didn't really mean it, you know, I just wanted to get a reaction.' While he spoke, Uhura grabbed him by the shoulder and steered him to stand on the transporter pad.

'And her refusal only bears weight now you are aware of our relationship?' Spock said, anger seeping into his voice.

'What? No!' Jim said.

'Spock, Jim. Stop.' Uhura said firmly. Spock looked at the ground, something Jim noticed with hidden glee. Uhura looked between the two brothers, stern like a schoolteacher. 'We will have this conversation, but we will have it later. When we have saved the Earth. Understand?'

'You scare me.' Jim said.

Rolling her eyes at Jim, Uhura touched under Spock's jaw, drawing him into another kiss like she did their first, and when she pulled away, she tried, desperately, not to think on how it could be their last. She stepped off the transporter pad, moving to stand behind Scotty.

Jim slowly leaned across towards his brother. 'Dude. You are so whipped.'

'I have no comment on the matter.'

'Captain?' Scotty said, his hand hovering over the controls. 'We're ready.'

Jim took a deep breath and felt a knot weigh heavy in his gut.

'Energize.'

* * *

_This chapter took longer because it's extra long, and I'm hoping to only need 2 or so more chapter for the rest of the story, so needed to extend the breaks. I know this chapter wasn't very "brothers" heavy. Just like with Scotty and McCoy's chapter, I felt Uhura needed her own perspective on the matter. Also Uhura is no small part of the reason I'm in my current field of study at University, I needed to make a tribute to her!_

_I made Uhura speak Swahili until four for a couple of reasons that are probably only interesting to me because I love linguistics. Firstly, four is past the critical stage of language learning, which is essential for bilingualism (as in, learned simultaneously). Since she only learnt one language during that time, she would have lost many of the innate structures which prepare for rapid language learning. I mentioned that she fought tooth and nail to study, that includes learning Standard. Also, in the Original Series Uhura reverts to Swahili a few times when frustrated, indicating she wasn't raised bilingual._

_**THANK YOU FOR READING AND REVIEWING**! I was so delighted by your responses. I replied to most, but many were kept "unread" to motivate me to finish. So if I didn't reply, your review was probably the reason I finished this! :) And a reply to the many enthusiastic suggestions: there may... potentially be an Into Darkness follow up to this story. Don't want to get your hopes up, but it is so deliciously enticing! I'm welcome to suggestions!_

_I have a tumblr, so ask in a review and I'll send you my url. I'm looking to follow a few more people too. Let me know what you thought of the chapter!_


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